Feeling like your parents are nice to you but quite cold to society

[greenhi]

I feel awful saying this as my parents are generous to me, very much.

but my dad in particular is very cold to society. Stingy tips, when out with his friends and I’ve stopped by he will count the change. Not sure he was always like this. We drove past a burning cottage recently and only I saw it and said we should stop but they rushed on as one of them had a hair appointment. I was astonished. I remember as a child our single neighbour coming over with a problem at her house and my dad sort of batted off any idea he could help and she was upset. there’s been times over the years I’ve needed them and they’ve been resolutely busy. Never compromise for anyone if that makes sense?

I find it really uncomfortable. I’d hop in the car to collect a friend for example at short notice if they needed me. I would want to. It just wouldn’t happen with my parents. They’d be settled watching tv or something.

I don’t know if it’s unusual but they’ve always been that way. I don’t want to turn into it!

You don't mention how old they are?
My parents where very much like this, they are late 60's now.
They always assumed someone else was dealing with things that affected other people. But heaven forbid they needed help with something and people didn't show up, they would be ranting about those people for weeks 🙄
My uncle died relatively recently, they didn't tell me he had died until a week later. They didn't tell me when the funeral was, I missed it and my Aunt was so upset with me until I explained I wasn't told by my parents about the arrangement!
They are just insular people, they only care about themselves and each other. Unsurprisingly I haven't spoken to them for a number of years.

Not sure what you expect when they’ve always been that way.
Not sure what you expected to do at the burning cottage, presumably someone had called a fire engine, so you’d probably just be in the way.

But what if nobody had called the fire engine?

Was there anyone else tnere ? Why didn’t you phone to check one had been called, do you not have a mobile ?
I called 999 on a motorway using hands free, I didn’t stop and cause a further problem. The call handler said it had already been called in but thanked me.

YABU. Focus on living your life and not critiquing your parents' ways .

My dad is like this but not just to society. Called him on the way home from hospital to tell him my granny (mums mum and person who basically raised me) had died and he said “I’m just on my way out to the football I’ll call you tomorrow”

My mum is the opposite of unhelpful in society. She’ll make herself look amazing and helpful for “society” or other family members but won’t bother her arse for me.