It's the in laws!
Please forgive my long rant, but I've got to see what other people think and also put it all into context!
They live in France, we're in London, so we don't see them that much. My dh has never got on with his dad - he's mean spirited and treats my mil like "dirt" - myself and dh have a great relationship and are amazed that they live in this state of co-existence of unhappiness.
My FIL can go for days without speaking to my MIL and she'll call up and whinge but when we encourage her to "change" her life - she just turns around and says that things aren't so bad - at least he doesn't beat her. Earlier on this year, she had a breast operation (removed!) but I was shocked to hear from my dh that he wouldn't be surprised if she chose that course of action so that she could get lots of sympathy. This may sound harsh - but that really is quite a feasible explanation. She slmost enjoys being downtrodden - she'd have nothing to talk about otherwise. Anyway, I've gone off on a tangent.
BAck to my FIL. I said he was mean - but I don't
think that even explains it. He sulks for days if he breaks something or a bill arrives or if he has to pay for anything. He spends all mornings cutting out coupons and driving around different supermarkets for the best promotions. Every key holiday time (Xmas, Easter Summer) we plan to spend time with them and never have a good time as the parents and siblings (not dh) just argue and bicker and criticise each other. Every time we come back so stressed and our friends just tell us that we're mad for going back for more.
Finally, this Summer we spent 4 days with them in France and we said no more! (yeah right) My FIL sulked for 3 days because he got a parking ticket He wasn't interested in dd and the atmosphere was so unpleasant that both dh and I said that enough was enough. We don't want our dd exposed to such hostile environments. DH called after the holiday and told his mother that we wouldn't spend any more holidays with them - that his father was getting worse and worse and he had to realise that he couldn't treat people the ways he does. (Outside of the family he tries to be all jolly etc as appearances are very impt to him). DH also revealed how upset he was (this was news to me)that his father had never called when dd at 7 months got intussuseption and had emergency "operation" at Gt Ormond St - his father never called!
Anyway, we're not seeing them at Christmas but we've booked flights for my in laws to come over in February - are we mad? What choice do we have? They're his parents. PLease any advice!