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Original poster

Do you have any male friends?

74 replies

Invasionofthegutsnatchers · 24/08/2022 23:58

I thought I did
Thought we were in the friend zone.
He has feelings for me. I'm upset that the friendship might be over now.

Do platonic friendships exist?

OP posts:
SudocremOnEverything · 25/08/2022 00:02

I used to have some reasonably close but most definitely platonic male friends. They drifted as life changed over the years (as many friendships have). I don’t think I’d even have considered the concept of ‘friend zone’ relevant because there really was absolutely nothing but standard friendship involved.

Marineboy67 · 25/08/2022 00:05

My daughters have bi & gay male friends but that's about it. It's a difficult one as usually one of the friends secretly harbours feelings for the other.

MadMadMadamMim · 25/08/2022 00:05

Yes, but are possibly age related. I'm almost 60 and female. One of my best mates is 40s and married, as am I. I can't imagine being sexually attracted to him - he's my mate, we have similar interests and have been friends for 20 years. I'm friends with his wife, but he's the one that "gets me" more and vice versa. Neither of out partners mind, we do get on as a foursom e.

Platonic friendship exists but both parties have to feel the same.

Kedece2410 · 25/08/2022 00:08

Yes. My best friend is male & married.

Were purely friends nothing more. It is possible

Original poster
Invasionofthegutsnatchers · 25/08/2022 00:08

This really bothers me but i cant really say why. I don't feel particularly flattered just sad. It's not the same now.

OP posts:
Luredbyapomegranate · 25/08/2022 00:09

Most definitely, I have had them for 30 years.

Are you quite young? Talk to him about it openly, and be honest as well as kind. What you might find is that things cool off but he comes back once he has a love interest elsewhere. Attraction is not as enduring as friendship, as a rule.

Rogue1001MNer · 25/08/2022 00:09

Yes.

I'm obviously a munter

SchatzDME · 25/08/2022 00:12

Not without my husband present. Why bring doubts into your world? Is that male worth it, or are you really looking for a side-piece? Devote your attention to your family and have mutual friends. This is what caring married couples do.

EmmaH2022 · 25/08/2022 00:12

Invasionofthegutsnatchers · 25/08/2022 00:08

This really bothers me but i cant really say why. I don't feel particularly flattered just sad. It's not the same now.

Because it's sad to lose a friend. I'm sorry.

I have one straight male friend.

TimeToDecideX · 25/08/2022 00:15

I absolutely have male friends without attraction on either side. I see them separately and with their girlfriends/wives, who I've now gotten to know and also consider to be friends. I'm single but they know I'm no threat and they have no problem with our friendship.

donquixotedelamancha · 25/08/2022 00:25

I have friends of both sexes in approximately equal number. I'm 15 years happily married so none of them have the remotest hint of anything else.

If you are both single I don't think he's done anything wrong- friendship is a great basis for a relationship.

Just be really firm and clear that there is no chance of romance and give him the option to be friends or bigger off.

Wombat100 · 25/08/2022 00:27

SchatzDME · 25/08/2022 00:12

Not without my husband present. Why bring doubts into your world? Is that male worth it, or are you really looking for a side-piece? Devote your attention to your family and have mutual friends. This is what caring married couples do.

“Not without my husband present”. Crikey, have I had a knock to the head and woken up in 1941?

ComtesseDeSpair · 25/08/2022 00:31

I found out relatively recently that one of my longest standing (lesbian) female friends had feelings for me earlier in our friendship. She didn’t tell me at the time and just worked herself through it: she says she knew that we’d actually be pretty ill-suited as a couple (she was right!) even if the feelings were requited on my part and didn’t want to mess up a good friendship, so just threw herself into dating other women instead, met someone great, and they passed.

So, even though he has told you, if you can both be adult and pragmatic about it, the friendship doesn’t have to end. You might or might not want to take some space from each other. If the friendship is worth it, communicate.

I also have quite a few male friends, some through their being partners of my female friends, others who I’ve met independently. They, too, may secretly be harbouring desire for me; but if they do they’ve never said so and I can’t tell, so it makes no difference.

FontSnob · 25/08/2022 00:34

SchatzDME · 25/08/2022 00:12

Not without my husband present. Why bring doubts into your world? Is that male worth it, or are you really looking for a side-piece? Devote your attention to your family and have mutual friends. This is what caring married couples do.

Yikes! I have male friends DH has female friends and yet we are still a caring married couple (with no trust issues).

AgathaPastie · 25/08/2022 00:43

55 year friendship with a male
Both of us are in very long term relationships
We were next door neighbours and grew up together, he's the brother I never had and I'm a surrogate sister as his own is a complete arsehole and hates me 🤣
We meet up once or twice a year and message each other a couple of times a week with jokes/news /gig or theatre info that we think each other would like etc or just to check in

StillGoingStrongToday · 25/08/2022 00:55

Invasionofthegutsnatchers · 25/08/2022 00:08

This really bothers me but i cant really say why. I don't feel particularly flattered just sad. It's not the same now.

I watched a good documentary about this a few years ago, asking this very question; can two single people of the opposite sex just be friends. It’s worth a view;

m.imdb.com/title/tt0098635/

oviraptor21 · 25/08/2022 01:00

SchatzDME · 25/08/2022 00:12

Not without my husband present. Why bring doubts into your world? Is that male worth it, or are you really looking for a side-piece? Devote your attention to your family and have mutual friends. This is what caring married couples do.

Blimey. That would be pretty much my entire social life gone! No thanks!
And "devote myself to my family?" I can be loyal to my family and have some me time too.

Sandra1984 · 25/08/2022 01:02

I have mostly gay male friends and a few hetero male friends. I see them on a frequent basis. Zero romantic feelings. Love them 💕

Facecream · 25/08/2022 01:04

I used to. But honestly, most of them tried it on with me at some point.
I have no male friends now, none who bother with me since I’ve had my daughter.
Its sad. I used to have mostly male friends. Guess I know why now.
PS I’m late forties so you’d think it would stop - it doesn’t.
When I was 18, at uni for the first year and was totally lost (posh uni, I was so poor I weighed six and a half stone from lack of food) a posh guy befriended me. We were friends for the 3 years of our undergraduate years: he pointedly told me at one point that men only talk to women they are sexually interested in (obviously outside of work). I thought he was weird for saying that. Not sure now

StillGoingStrongToday · 25/08/2022 01:05

SchatzDME · 25/08/2022 00:12

Not without my husband present. Why bring doubts into your world? Is that male worth it, or are you really looking for a side-piece? Devote your attention to your family and have mutual friends. This is what caring married couples do.

That post is utterly mental.

AuntTwacky · 25/08/2022 01:06

Yes ... my closest friend from uni is a bloke

asquideatingdough · 25/08/2022 01:17

Yes, many male friends over the years. I've never understood why some people consider this odd or difficult. I know I don't fancy them, they may have fancied me but it never manifested as a problem.

HelenAdamson · 25/08/2022 06:40

I lived in two UK cities over 45 years where it was normal to have male friends. Now I'm in a town where it is frowned upon as it is seen as a threat to marriages.

I guess back in the city the men sometimes tried it on. So sadly, perhaps the more 'retrograde' view in the town has some truth in it. I don't want to think this.

Happily, my conscience is clear regarding cheating.

MrsTerryPratchett · 25/08/2022 06:46

One of mine turned weird. But I do have male friends who really are friends.

But yes, I get that sadness.

Snowiscold · 25/08/2022 06:48

Yes, I have several. We are all in our 50s and I’ve known them for 30 years.