Hi
i don’t know why I’m posting on here, think I’m just confused about tonight’s events and maybe need to someone to help me think straight.
ive been seeing a guy for 6 months, I knew he had depression after having a serious accident a few years ago resulting in life changing injuries. He’s on a lot of medication as a result of this..
since we have been dating he said he has been in a much better place, happy etc.
when we are together more often than not we will share a bottle of wine or have a couple of bottles of beer (we see each other maybe 3 times a week)
sometimes when he comes to mine he is quiet and a bit withdraw , other times he is very happy, hyper, lots of hugs etc (like tonight)
sometimes when he comes to mine I think to myself he seems like he has been drinking, and have seen him once it twice take an empty beer bottle out if his car and out it in my recycling bin. I have never said anything.
Tonight he came to mine in such a good mood, very smiley, happy, telling me how happy he was etc. he then mentioned he had 4 cans of beer before driving to mine. I obviously highlighted the fact that this is not good he should not be drinking and driving. I said it in a way as to not be patronising and I didn’t want to start a fight but had to say something. Initially he said yeah you’re right I’m glad you mentioned it cos it shows you care and that’s what I need to make me not do it admin. He went on to say it’s s bit of a problem for him (alcohol) it’s the first thing he thinks about when he leaves work, he does it to fill a void, then later changed it to he definitely doesn’t have a problem, he doesn’t think about alcohol every day, he does it before he comes to mine sometimes cos he might not be in the mood to interact with me and the alcohol gets him on a good level to do so.
I was so confused with all this contradiction, I don’t know what to think.
obviously I am not ok with him drunk driving.
additionally I keep thinking was he only happy and loving towards me cos he had been drinking, is it real?
the.
i was chill throughout, basically just listened to him and said I’m not judging you, the most important thing to me is that you acknowledge it and tell me you won’t do it again.
but he got on the defensive and started to sulk about. I put on our favourite series and got him some pillows etc to make him comfortable, sat waiting to snuggle up to him but he sat very closed off. I kept asking if he was ok he said yes.
he started to fall asleep (I assume cos he was drunk- we also had a glass of wine with dinner) so I said let’s go to bed.
we got in bed and he laid facing away from me. I said do I get a goodnight kiss so he turned and gave me a kiss.
i said are you ok and he said I don’t know How I feel. I feel ashamed and bloke I’ve let you down. I tried to reassure him but also let him know that he has made me feel like I had done something wrong the way he was closing me off.
i said the night started off so lovely and turned to go to sleep, as he was (he never turned to face me to speak so I thought ok I’m going to sleep)
he then said you can see I’m upset why don’t you comfort me and give me a hug instead of trying to start and argument. I put my arm around him and he said I just want to go home.
i said I’m sorry if I made you feel like that. He went to sleep and I just started crying behind him while I had my arm around him. I don’t know why I started crying. And I don’t know why my heart is hurting right now