Hi @myporridgeiscold , I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this - no one deserves such an awful experience.
I have some idea of how you feel - I was pregnant when I found out my partner had cheated with many different women, including sex workers. This prompted me to get an sti test, he had given me chlamydia while I was pregnant and I found this out three days before my due date. I am only sharing this because I know how completely heart wrenching something like this feels, and how it really feels like your world has turned upside down.
I felt the same as you and worried I would never get past it, or I would become bitter and jaded. It is four years on now, and I can genuinely say I am through it. It does not bother me at all, it never plays on my mind, it has no impact on my daily life and I am genuinely happy.
I don’t think I will ever get ‘over’ it, I will always look back and feel some level of disgust that he could treat me that way and be so utterly cruel - but those are valid feelings which I accept, and I feel the same way when I hear an awful story on the news, or a friend or family member is treated poorly.
In terms of how to process it - allow yourself to grieve. I cried more than I thought was possible, I got support from close friends and family, and I allowed myself to feel all of those difficult and painful feelings. Over time they faded. The first few months were the worst, where I felt like I’d be stuck forever suffering, but over time I came back to myself and began to feel more calm. It really helped me (once I was through the first few ‘survival’ weeks of just trying to get through each day) to set some goals and keep a routine - making regular plans to meet up with friends and family, having some fitness goals, trying new recipes and just trying to fill my life with fulfilling things.
dont feel like you need to keep this to yourself, you have done nothing wrong and need support.
feel free to PM me if you would like to chat.
💐