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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

new man so slow

34 replies

bstd890 · 24/08/2022 21:30

Met someone around Christmas time. We are both in our 50s. Met him on Match. He is always busy! Never been to his house. We have met for 2 hours in the last fortnight for breakfast. Kissed nothing more. He wants to go away for a weekend. I've just ended it.

OP posts:
SultanOfSwing · 24/08/2022 21:33

He wants to go away for a weekend with you? Maybe he is suddenly speeding up?

If you have just ended it are you looking for more advice? Hand holding? Ways of changing your mind?

Original poster
bstd890 · 24/08/2022 21:34

Just advise very confused by him

OP posts:
Hiddenvoice · 24/08/2022 21:36

Sorry I’m confused as well, if he now wants to go away for the weekend then why have you ended it?
Is he definitely single? Honestly I’d have just asked him about it all, he’s the only one who’ll be able to tell you what’s really going on.

Hoolahulahoop · 24/08/2022 21:37

It's late August and you haven't been to his house after this length of time. I would be bored. Is he hiding something ?

AllSoComplicated · 24/08/2022 21:37

Every time I read one of these, I just wonder if it's my ex who I'm still hung up on after it ended two years ago.

@bstd890 you've done the right thing. You have standards. 💪

PurpleDaisies · 24/08/2022 21:39

What sort of advice are you looking for? It’s over now? It sounds like you wanted more than he was able to manage so you’ve probably done the right thing in finishing with him.

MondaysAreFineItsYourLifeThatsShit · 24/08/2022 21:39

Going away with someone for a whole weekend after spending only 2 hours in their company? Fuck that! He's a stranger!

Original poster
bstd890 · 24/08/2022 21:45

I'm bored and feel like I'm not important to him. Not risking a weekend if he is then going back to 2 hours here and there

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 24/08/2022 21:45

bstd890 · 24/08/2022 21:45

I'm bored and feel like I'm not important to him. Not risking a weekend if he is then going back to 2 hours here and there

Fair enough. What’s the thread for? I’m a bit confused.

Original poster
bstd890 · 24/08/2022 21:49

just trying to work out what has gone on. Why go on match if you do this. was he seeing lots of people

OP posts:
AllSoComplicated · 24/08/2022 21:54

bstd890 · 24/08/2022 21:49

just trying to work out what has gone on. Why go on match if you do this. was he seeing lots of people

I think some people get lonely and go on OLD but then don't really want to commit to a relationship. I wouldn't say he's necessarily been seeing lots of people. He might just not really want a relationship.

My ex did this. He still has me dangling (because I am vulnerable and I can't seem to walk away but that's my fault). He likes having me around but doesn't want a relationship or the effort of maintaining one. He is not a player. Just doesn't really know what he wants.

Original poster
bstd890 · 24/08/2022 21:55

that would make sense

OP posts:
minticecreamisjustok · 24/08/2022 22:24

Sounds married Confused

Greengreengrassofhome01 · 24/08/2022 22:28

Where and when was the weekend away he suggested?

SettingsO · 24/08/2022 22:30

You met him at Christmas, and you haven’t shagged yet?

OldFan · 24/08/2022 22:33

I think some people are just set in their ways and not prepared to put much effort into dating etc. I'm certainly like that myself.

DatingDinosaur · 24/08/2022 23:30

He doesn’t seem very invested in your “relationship” and to go from not much/too busy to see you to a weekend away? Nah. He wants to skip the romance and have a weekend shagging. Then probably ghost/dump you afterwards.

Or, he has ED (hence the only kissing and not going round to his house because shagging might happen, or not) but a weekend away he can “prepare” for.

Or, he’s not actually single which might explain the 2 hours here an there, otherwise his wife might get suspicious and he’s told her his weekend away is a “business trip”.

Not that it matters. You called it a day with him but food for thought perhaps.

Marotte · 24/08/2022 23:42

I don't think it's worthwhile spending a lot of time trying to guess why he has behaved the way he has so far, or what the weekend would have been like, or how he may or may not have acted afterwards. He wasn't what you were looking for. Move on.

TheCutter · 25/08/2022 06:06

Did you talk to him about it first? Ask why you've not yet been over? Just curious to what he said.

2 hours in 2 weeks is ridiculous, but surprised you weren't happy with it

Original poster
bstd890 · 25/08/2022 06:46

Just avoided the question. He seemed genuine just busy with work but surely you make an effort if you are interested

OP posts:
BEAM123 · 25/08/2022 07:04

He could be a hoarder or his house be really unkempt. Have you seen any photos of his house?

Regardless, if he was keen and knew what he wanted he'd have moved faster ages ago.
There are a lot of middle aged blokes like this on OLD, want dates here and there but otherwise very non-committal / unsure what they want.

Original poster
bstd890 · 25/08/2022 07:08

saw the odd photo. He liked my house photos but was reluctant to visit when I invited him. It was just odd and frustrating

OP posts:
helogast · 25/08/2022 08:32

Sounds married to me too. Probably unhappy and wavering with cheating but hasn't got the guts to properly go through with it. Or he isn't that interested, he would make time if he was. Stop letting yourself me strung along and find someone who you truly deserve!

Original poster
bstd890 · 25/08/2022 16:35

I think you are right plus he was really mean and penny pinching

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 25/08/2022 16:47

bstd890 · 24/08/2022 21:49

just trying to work out what has gone on. Why go on match if you do this. was he seeing lots of people

He's not the right person for you because his actions are unintelligible to you. That's the end of the story.

There's nothing to work out. Not everyone will think and do things in the way you would, and that's fine. You don't have to understand everyone.