Leaving my boyfriend of 3 years

[Catmom96]

I’m in a 3 year serious relationship, we live together and he owns our flat, we have two cats. I’ve been at uni so not working a lot the last few years so don’t have much savings. Since January things haven’t been great, we really are best friends but our sex life is dead and I think we just are too comfortable together (the fire is gone). I really want to end things but I have no where to go and I will struggle to leave my cats behind. I love him deeply and he to me but I think we both know we aren’t right for each other. I’m 25 so I would happily move into a flat share but the thought of leaving my home and my animals breaks my heart. Really just don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m holding on to our relationship because I have no choice.

Could you basically just say what youve said to us. That you live eachother at but it's clear that the fire is gone.

And ask if you could continue to live together - as friends. Seen as you are very comfortable together and share cats.

It’s just too complicated, we live in a one bedroom flat, and I fear we would just end up going back to square one and saying we will try again. I just feel so stuck, I don’t want to hurt him, I don’t know where to go, I live in a big city so renting is out of the question :( idk what to do anymore

You are very young. If you think your BF will look after your kitties and love them, then let them stay with him. You need to move on.

(If your BF won’t look after the cats, or you don’t trust him to do it well, then take a little longer. Find a home share -HMO- that will take cats or find a wonderful new home for them.

It will be possible. This is not a good time to be in a relationship that you both already know is wrong. You are just wasting being young. Go for it!

Are you finished university? If not, you could look at listings for shared housing.

OP, I know that it feels like you don’t have options, but you really do. After marriage, children, buying property together , your options become more complicated, and the stakes get higher.

There is always a compromise in situations like these. Which compromise are you prepared to accept? Leaving your cats or being in a dead end relationship?

The thing is, people in situations like yours often stay because things aren’t horrible, and there are still warm feeling for your partner. But then, loneliness happens. Or one of you meets someone who you have strong sexual feelings for, and things can get ugly. Then you can REALLY hurt each other without intending to.

Is there really no one who can have your cats for awhile? Or perhaps you can stay friendly enough with your partner that he will continue to house your cats? This is probably not the ideal option though.

I can appreciate it would be difficult to be separated from them but they will be ok. You potentially WON’T be if you stay in a relationship which isn’t functioning.