Struggling with no contact on day 2

[Amby138]

Hi,
apologies again for posting so much, I’m just finding all of your advice so helpful!
I split up with my ex 2 weeks ago tomorrow, we have had contact on and off over this time to arrange getting the rest of our things etc. The last time I saw him was on Monday for 5 seconds when I met him so he could pass on some mail, he was very cold and then blocked me absolutely everywhere immediately after. Nothing terrible happened in our break up, he just decided that we didn’t work well together and so he ended it out of the blue. I embarrassed myself (probably) on Monday because after he passed me my mail and walked off I shouted after him that I love him and miss him and just want to talk, and he blanked me and got back in his car

I really don’t want this breakup, and it’s so hard. In the past, even when I’m the one who’s been dumped, I’ve still been able to accept that it’s done and look to the future. This time is different, I can’t get a grip at all.

It’s not even like I can challenge myself to just do 30 days no contact, because I’m blocked everywhere and this is forever. Just struggling to get through this, especially when I have so much I want to say :( and it’s not even been 2 full days yet!

Any advice or anyone who’s gone through similar xxx

Aw didn’t want to read and run sorry you are so sad op. I think with a separation it’s really hard because the others person is still there just not for you. It will pass and you will feel better unfortunately you just have to ride it out. Try to find positives eg he has blocked you so this saves you the embarrassment of sending lots of messages that go unanswered! The regret later is shit! If you feel you have a lot to say write it all down or say it out loud. Get it out your system. I know you won’t get answers but I don’t think you need them he has made it very clear with blocking you. Have a good old pamper and get yourself dressing in your best gear, hair done etc look good, feel good type thing. Sorry I can’t offer anything better but it will get better I promise!

Sorry op but I think you have to brace yourself for there being an ow

Write it all down in a letter then burn the letter. Don't send it.

Distract yourself with mindful activities (wanky modern phrase BUT you can't ruminate whilst you need to count stitches, or paint along with Bob Ross, or master Cb Minor double octave with arpeggio up as well as down)

Do a mail redirect, and advise your change of address where needed. Change your address on your amazon account and other shopping sites. You absolutely must prevent deliveries going to your previous cohabit address in case he alleges you are harassing or stalking him.

Surround yourself with your mates and family, you are going to be a bore about the breakup but they love you anyway and will shake your shoulders when they've had enough.

You have got this.

I’ve seen some of your posts. I’d advise the following:

• you are clearly feeling very rejected and for such valid reasons. However you have to try and think past this - if this guy is treating you like this, is he really “the one”? The blunt breakup and outright blanking/blocking is not kind. Do try and assess the reality of the guy when you can
• in the meantime- KEEP BUSY! You’ve said you love your job. Throw yourself into that, focus on excelling in it. Having a job you love is an amazing thing! So many people are in mind numbing jobs. Be super proud of yourself for that. Enjoy it, think about how you can improve at it further, focus on developing work friendships.
• linked to that, you asked previously about moving city. If you love your job I wouldn’t give that up. Don’t let your ex take that away from you. As Said above, having a good job you love is a lucky thing and you should be proud of it. I’d suggest you move back to the town with your job, and focus on developing your life there without him - build up your friendships, join a course (see below). Don’t go near where he lives , where cafes/parks/ restaurants can be triggers, build up a new base elsewhere in the town.
• do you have any hobbies? Even ones you lost years ago? Try and join a sports club, or a craft course or something.
• fill your evenings - give yourself a task/ activity every evening. For eg make an interesting recipe, make a cake, read a new book, go for a run. Give yourself an activity every evening and hold yourself accountable to it. Ideally do some of them with friends or your mum
• don’t read your phone before sleep - take your last hour of the day for downtime. Ideally reading a nonfiction book that grips you, or alternative watch a bit of a film, but books might be better at distracting you as you won’t multitask on your phone. Also non fiction books are a godsend post a break up when you just need hours of distraction
• download Calm and do some mindfulness videos before going to sleep. There are ones under ten mins, longer ones at 30 mins. Try the breathing exercises to relax you

Oh yes, and he owes you no answers. This is the hardest bit, you have lots to say but he is not amenable to listening so you have to sit with it.

Lovely, I am saying this very gently, but you got all the advice you needed on your last thread. I would be extremely surprised if he hasn't got someone else, but even if he hasn't, you won't win him back by carrying on like this. You need to grieve for the relationship in a way that doesn't compromise your dignity.