Been with DP for 6 years, when we met he was really hardworking and had lots of friends however it his work and socialising was all alcohol based.
He became sober after 2 years together and cut ties with those friends and has spent 4 years unemployed with no friends, only wanting to sit on the sofa gaming or watching TV. I felt for him at first as thought he must be struggling with his mental health but he refuses to try therapy again. He’s on SSRIs but won’t speak to the GP about adjusting the dose.
He’s now in his 30s, we have a 1 year old and it’s a struggle to get DP to come out with us, when we’re out he complains “this is why I don’t go outside” “this is enough being outdoors for the week”. He won’t ever take DC to the park alone, won’t take him to baby groups, won’t go to a dads only baby group to make new friends, has no interest in socialising or going out and doing anything ever. Any suggestion of a walk is “what’s the point”.
He has gained 10 stone since we met, he eats rubbish all day long.
And he refuses to get a job. Every time I suggest getting a job he says he’s not qualified to do anything and asks me what he’s supposed to do then later on that day his anxiety will flare up again because the thought of working apparently makes him so anxious.
I have to tell him how to do absolutely everything, I log on to pay all the bills and rent, I sort out the admin side of everything, organise DCs appointments, I plan what time bus we need to get to get places on time, I ring the GP, I do the budget, I meal plan, I do the food shop, I do the cooking, I tell him when to put a wash on because otherwise the clothes just sit in a pile for ages and he’ll ignore them, a bit of rubbish can be on the floor for a week that he’ll walk past every day and won’t notice. He literally does nothing apart from some chores and playing with our toddler. I’ve just spent and hour and a half trying to get our upset toddler back to sleep, he woke up for the 6th time and I asked DP to try who handed him back after 5 minutes and told me to “do something rather than lying there ignoring him” when I’ve been up since 3am trying.
I feel like I’ve lost all respect for him, I’m snappy and argumentative with him all the time as he irritates me so much, I find it really pathetic but that he won’t get off his arse and do something with his life and instead just sits around waiting for something to happen.
However I also feel really sorry for him, it must be a very lonely existence, he has had a rubbish past, he’s now got no friends and nothing going on, I can’t tell wether he’s still struggling with mental health problems or if he’s just using them as an excuse now and now he’s so isolated and if I leave that’s going to become even worse but I can’t bring my DC up thinking this is ok as surely having a dad who never goes outside, complains about being outside and has no friends isn’t good for his upbringing?
sorry for the huge rant just needed to offload