Find a place to live in the town I lived in with my ex, or find a new job in my home town?

[Amby138]

Hi everyone! I’m so sorry with how frequent I’ve been posting, I just find it so helpful to get advice from the community here rather than my friends and family - who are very much just saying ‘fuck him’ ‘forget him’ etc….
although they mean well and I’m still appreciative of the support!

So I split with my ex 2 weeks ago (no kids) but we lived together in the home he owned which is 50 miles from my hometown, I moved there and got a job there in order to live with him. I love my job and I love the area, I don’t really have any friends in the area other than work colleagues but I don’t really have any friends in my hometown either, as they’ve all moved away as we grew up (I’m 27 now).

At the minute I am commuting 100 miles round trip a day to work, which isn’t sustainable because of the cost and because it’s absolutely draining me. But I can’t decide whether I’d be happier living in that town alone or finding a new job around my home town and somewhere to live around here?

I’m not going to lie, travelling back to the town I lived in with my ex and working at that job but not going home to him afterwards, it is killing me. But can you really just run away from your problems and start again every time something bad happens? Should I stay working at my job and move back to that town and hope the pain passes, or do I find somewhere to live and work closer to my hometown? Either way, I can’t keep commuting from my mums or living at my mums for much longer because it’s really fucking with me and draining me and hurting me so much!

@Amby138 how old are you roughly? I guess the main thing to consider is that nothing needs to be permanent. Would you be tempted to try snd bump into him if you were there? If so I wouldn’t move just for that reason. But if you have friends and enjoy the job then maybe take a 6 month let and see how it goes? Where do you prefer? Or you could go somewhere new completely!

You know you don’t have to live in either of the towns. Why not find a job that really excites you and move there? Or, why not try to move somewhere that you think you’ll love (the beach, the city) and find a job there?

I’m 27, I really am considering going someone new completely tbh! Just a little bit scary

Can you transfer at your job? Maybe take a third option of somewhere new

You love your job. Does it have prospects? Is it a long term thing or temporary? How do you see your future? If I was you as scary as it sounds I would consider a 5 year plan. Write out how you envisage your future. You don’t have to live in either place. Could you live further out for now but commute to your job? So not as near to ex boyfriend. It sounds like you could join evening classes etc to start making a social life/friends for yourself?

I’m a room leader at a nursery, so I could definitely look for jobs elsewhere doing the same thing as I don’t want to progress any further. But the sad thing is that this is the only place I’ve ever worked where I enjoy it and don’t despise going in every morning. My 5 year plan is hard to envisage at the moment, me and me ex were planning on trying for a baby in the new year and it was so happy and perfect until he told me he had fell out of love. In 5 years what I care about most is being with someone and settled and happy, maybe having children or at least planning them. And right now I only want that with him and couldn’t hypothetically consider that with anyone else :(

Believe me you will find that with someone else , it must be hard when you have been together 5 years but you are only 27 you have years left to meet someone new and start a family . It's a very long journey to work , aren't you spending a fortune on transport ? I would be tempted to move back to your home town I think

Times a healer and in time ,you will be over your ex totally . So, I’d leave the ex thing out of the question and ask yourself where would you prefer to live for your future . One day with your new partner / husband , even maybe children ! Which place feels more like home . As for your job , again there’s other jobs out there . As for your ex , I know it’s hard to imagine right now but you will get over him ! Focus on moving on , making new friends , building your social life up and everything will fall into place . Your still very young and you’ll be a long time married so try to enjoy this exciting, life changing , journey/ adventure your on . Your future husband is out there somewhere.

I’ve just read your last message explaining how you feel about your ex . Honestly, I was in the same place as you years ago aged 34 and couldn’t imagine ever getting over him . I felt physically ill for months and struggled with everything. All I wanted was to know , will the pain ever go away ? And how long will it take for me to be over him ? Yes the pain went and it took me 2 yrs to get over him . I know that sounds a long time but I mean totally over him . No love left for him at all after 2 yr . I’m now happily married with 2 children . Looking back I wished I hadn’t worried as much as I did and just enjoyed and embraced my single life , this is my advice to you .

Knowing how I feel about my job, if you are lucky enough to love your job, don’t leave. A job you love is a big positive in your life and you can build round it. You might not find another job that you enjoy as much, so stay there (for now, at least)

You said you love the area. Look for somewhere to live that is a sensible and affordable distance from work. It doesn’t have to be in your current town, could be a nearby town that is close to work.

I can tell you my story, and you can draw your own conclusions. I lived in a small wooden house donated by her family with my girlfriend for three years. When she left me, I didn't know what to do either. I sat out in the middle of the night on my parent's porch, smoking my last cigarette, and I had absolutely no idea what to do next. My mind was completely blank, and when the cigarette was finished, one thought struck me: "Burn it all!

I sold everything I owned, withdrew all my savings, and hitchhiked away. The next night, in a town whose name I couldn't remember at the time, I found an ad for an apartment for sale, and I bought it. After that I did a major renovation there, such that everything was completely different (thanks to these guys, they really saved me astoundingbattersea.co.uk).
If before I lived surrounded by wooden walls reminiscent of the Middle Ages, now it feels like I'm living in the future. Everything is voice-activated, the interior is so unusual and beautiful that I still enjoy it. After that I changed my hair, my style of dress, my speech, my job. And when I bumped into my ex by chance, I didn't feel anything, because the person who loved her more than life had sunk into the past, and I was a completely different person.