How many dates before you make things exclusive?

[Breannafivelli]

Been seeing someone I met on OLD for a few weeks now. We've had approximately six dates. The last two have been sleepovers, which for me marked a bit of a turning point.

The dates aren't just dinner/drinks. They tend to be full days out together, planned activities etc.

We've seen eachother every weekend for the past month but he still hasn't given any sign of wanting to have a conversation about exclusivity or where we're headed.

On my side I'm not OK with the idea of being one of multiple people he might be dating, and to be honest if he wasn't at least a little enthusiastic at this point about the idea of making things exclusive, I'd probably take that to mean that he just sees us as being casual which isn't really what I'm looking for.

So my question, I suppose, is is six dates too soon to have that talk? If the person you were dating raised the question now would you think they were a bit needy/intense?

If I, the woman, am the one raising the topic, is that also a bad omen? If he were seriously interested in me do you think he would have mentioned it himself by now?

I wouldn't have sex before the exclusivity talk. Which I'd probably want to have around date 2/3 (the talk, not the sex haha)

The 'in a relationship' chat...I'd want him to have brought that up any time around date 5-8. Depending on a few factors such as how often you meet them.

Glad to hear the consensus is that now is about the right time to have the conversation. I've drafted a message, very upbeat but quite matter-of-fact, and will let you know how he responds. I'd rather message it and get a truthful answer than risk someone being put on the spot in person and simply going along with it.

For those of you saying it should have happened before the sleepovers, I have no regrets at all about that. I personally would never want to have a conversation with someone about progressing things to the next stage without first knowing if there's chemistry and compatibility in that department. It also didn't change anyway, so it's not like I stayed over and suddenly got treated like a hook up. The effort has still been there with regards to dates and communication, so I'm very happy that that's not an issue. Ultimately if someone is going to treat you like a casual hook up they'll do it regardless and won't be the kind of person you want a relationship with anyway - I shouldn't have to withhold that side of things to make a point.

All I'm looking for now is an agreement that we're just going to focus on eachother and see how things go.

Let's see what he comes back with when I send it...

All you can do is ask

Not necessarily sure texting will get you an honest answer though.

Think you be best to ask him and see his face. If he umms and ahhs for a bit then its a no, no matter what he says after.

Text wise...you may get a text saying OK at fiest and then find you get an 'actually jve been thinking...' text a day or so later.

Hopefully not though.

I'd just wait till you next see him and be like 'so, im looking to move forwards exclusively now. Sound good to you?' You don't have to be off hand or upbeat, you're shagging him already.

I'm surprised this much conscious thought has had to go into what to say and when. To me that suggests you're not that comfortable with each other. It is odd to need to give someone time to think about whether they want to just have sex with you whilst looking for wife material or date you and only you.

Well, that's that.

Basically said he isn't ready as he still wants to "get to know me" for longer.

I'm not asking for some big commitment, but if he's not sure enough about things that he's willing to try and make a go of it by now then that speaks volumes. He's just not that into me.

I've explained that doesn't work for me, so that's the end of that.

It's just a shame. If you'd asked me a week ago I wouldn't have seen this coming.

Oh that's a shame OP. Better to know now than invest further but it sucks.

Really sorry he's come back with that but it's the risk you run and it's surely better to know than to keep investing. As opinion would suggest most folk are pretty clear around the time where you guys are at. Has he flatly refused to be exclusive then or is it that he seems genuinely still getting to know you?

Ooft. Well, sod him then.
At least you know now he's a dickhead time wwaster.Good on you for telling him to jog on.

If he tries to get back in touch to backtrack now, don't be tempted. Just tell him to sod off.

My partner and I were seeing each other for nearly a year before we admitted we wanted more, we went into it both openly wanting something casual for various reasons we had going on in our lives. Unbeknownst to me as we never had the conversation, he was only seeing me, I was seeing a couple of others. That hurt him a bit but we got through it

How did you word it to him op? Does he see exclusivety as a commitment/relationship whereas you were only actually asking him not to speak to others, or did he say he wasn't ready to stop speaking to others and only get to know you?

I don't sleep with anyone before having that conversation. I understand that's old fashioned, but that's what works for me. Luckily I only seem to date people who feel the same way.

oops sorry just saw your update. Sorry about that OP.