Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Think it's time to leave my partner - how with a 10 week old

6 replies

Cluelessfirstimer · 23/08/2022 16:44

My relationship with my partner is on its knees. We have a 10 week old baby and although he was helping at the start, he does nothing now.

He is completely obsessed with work. He works from home and comes downstairs at 8.30 when I'm taking the baby to bed. He is also out 2 nights a week so I get no support. He keeps telling me it will get better and won't have to work so much - he has been telling me that for 4 years.

I literally ask him 1 night a week to watch the baby from 5-7 so I can go have a bath and an hour to myself. He promises every time but is yet to do this. I wouldn't mind but I need to go back to work in January too and he will not do a night feed anymore , saying he is too tired. Even at the weekend he tells me he "needs to catch up on sleep" - even though he sleeps undisturbed every night.

I cant cope. My little boy is glued to me which is fine but I literally ask for 2 hours a week.

He invited his sister to visit during the week - when he would be working - and told me i had to spend the time with her and make sure there was food for her etc...!!I basically forcing me to spend time with her because he would be "too busy" I flatly refused and now she is saying I'm stopping her seeing her nephew. Not true -I just don't want her here if he will be working the whole time... I dont massively get on with her.

Anyway I couldn't give a shit about that. I want out of our relationship but feel completely trapped by our mortgage and the fact I have a 10 week old baby. My mum would let me stay there but her house is tiny so it couldn't be for long.

How do I even start to leave him. I've spoken to him about it and he said if I want to split up fine but I have to leave. He won't.

Where do I even start

OP posts:
ThinkingaboutLangClegosaurus · 23/08/2022 16:56

He sounds like a nightmare. So arrogant and selfish, I wouldn’t bother trying to mend the relationship. You and dc really will be better off without him.

He can’t force you put of your home, and you should contact CMS to make sure he pays maintenance. Other people will be along to give you more advice. Best of luck.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 23/08/2022 17:04

Start actively planning your exit; its no point whatsoever in you and he being together now.

What is the situation re the property and finances?.

Is this mortgage in joint names?. I would seek legal advice re the property asap. He is not the boss of you and if anyone should be leaving its him, particularly as your child is not even 3 months old. I hope you gave this child your surname rather than his. He is financially responsible for his child so I would also pursue a CMS claim.

His sister seems like a nightmare as well; your soon to be ex did not fall far from the rotten tree that is his family of origin.

Cluelessfirstimer · 23/08/2022 17:13

Mortgage is in joint names and we both pay half. Thats very true and I will start to look into advice on what to do about this. I have no attachment to this house at all and don't overly want to live here. He pushed and pushed for us to buy it. I wanted another which was closer to my family but I literally gave up in the end because he kept going on about this house.

Financially I'm ok (until my matenity pay stops in december at least ) and buy everything for the baby because he never has any money apparently.. no idea what he spends it on because he is glued to his work laptop 20 hours a day.

His whole family are the same. His mum came to visit and literally told me everything I was doing for the baby was wrong.

Baby has my surname. He is on the birth certificate but we actually chose mine because its a better name.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 23/08/2022 17:21

I would indeed seek legal advice re the property asap; the house may well have to be sold or it may be that he buys out your share. Again legal advice on this point and other aspects of separating here should be sought.

Glad to read that your child has your surname rather than his.

Cluelessfirstimer · 23/08/2022 17:21

But I certainly couldn't afford to pay our mortgage and rent somewhere else if I left. That's my first and biggest hurdle - working out how I get out of that. He said now is no a good time to sell as he is too busy with work to think about it.. and I havent really gotten much further to be honest so need to look into what I can do?

OP posts:
TheHumanExperience · 18/12/2022 21:15

How long have you been married? How long have you had this house?
You are married which is good. You have a child together, which is good. Whether you pay 50% towards it or not, I don't think matters. You are his wife and you have a 50% claim on the house. You may also have a claim on his pension. It's all in the detail.

You definitely need to take specialist legal advice.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page