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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Advice on how to handle an ex

8 replies

Hari223 · 23/08/2022 14:51

I dated a man earlier this year and we had a very strong connection. We dated for four months and had a great time - lots of common interests, I found him fascinating, it felt like we connected on a very deep level. He said that he felt the same way. He had children, wanted more and I was open to that (with him).

A few months in I was finding it difficult not seeing each other more (partly due to the kids) and raised this with him. He said that if he introduced me to them that would solve the problem but that he didn't want to do that because he didn't feel sure that he felt strongly enough about me. Looking back, i wonder if it was too soon for this conversation. We agreed to break up and he suggested that we stay friends.

Since then he's been in touch a lot (I've reciprocated, and have started to initiate too). He's invited me out too, just the two of us (making it clear it was on a "friends" basis) but I couldn't go. Since then we've had quite a few long and emotionally (not sexually) intimate chats via text.

I'm confused now as to whether friendship is really what he wants or whether he is just trying to keep me around in case there's a chance of getting back together. I'm going to speak to him about it but maybe it's better just to call it quits and have no contact for a while. What does everyone think?

OP posts:
Drinkingpop · 23/08/2022 14:55

He's enjoying your attention and the fact that he's in control. Go and find someone who is practically and emotionally available.

He's said clearly that he's not that in to you. Believe him.

Hari223 · 23/08/2022 15:09

@Drinkingpop I don't think someone makes time to see someone else for four months, when they're already very busy, if they're not that into them. But thanks for the input...

OP posts:
IAmAWomanNotACis · 23/08/2022 15:25

I'm sorry OP but I agree with Drinkingpop. He's just not that into you, and I think this is only going to end in heartache for you if you let it continue like this. x

Drinkingpop · 23/08/2022 15:44

Apols if I sounded harsh. I was reflecting on the words he used - doesn't feel strongly enough, wants to be friends. It sounds like you want more and i can't see how this is not going to end in disappointment.

Watchkeys · 23/08/2022 15:55

I'm confused now as to whether friendship is really what he wants or whether he is just trying to keep me around in case there's a chance of getting back together

Why is this about what he wants? What do you want from your connection with him?

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 23/08/2022 15:58

I also agree with @Drinkingpop. This sentence sums up it He's invited me out too, just the two of us (making it clear it was on a "friends" basis)

Watchkeys · 23/08/2022 16:44

Hari223 · 23/08/2022 15:09

@Drinkingpop I don't think someone makes time to see someone else for four months, when they're already very busy, if they're not that into them. But thanks for the input...

But why do you think he's 'into' you, when he's actually told you, specifically, that he doesn't want more than friendship? It doesn't really matter, does it, whether he's into you? He doesn't want a relationship with you anyway. People make time for people who they don't want a relationship with all the time. Otherwise nobody would see anybody except their partner!

Hari223 · 23/08/2022 17:14

Thanks everyone. Really useful.

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