Your thoughts on rekindling a relationship

[Bertha1924]

I’ve recently made contact with an old flame (from 50 years ago) and we are both now single and in our mid-60s. We were very much in love at the time and always got on well but as I was quite young my Mum wasn’t keen on me settling down and encouraged me to end the relationship (although many years later she admitted she had been wrong). I have thought about him a lot over the years and regretted finishing the relationship and although I have been married twice I have never actually “fallen in love” with anyone else.

We met up at the weekend and had a great time reminiscing about old times and the shared friends we had (his brother married my best friend and have been happily married for 40+ years). I haven’t laughed so much for years or felt as comfortable with someone so quickly.

However I was quite shocked when I saw him, he hasn’t aged well which doesn’t bother me but more concerning he is extremely skinny with an incessant cough which is probably due to smoking for 50 years (he still smokes as do I). He said his cough was due to asthma in this hot weather but I am not so sure he is as healthy as he says he is although he still works full time.

Would I be wrong to start a serious relationship with someone with health problems at my age - I am a caring person and looked after my Mum for years. Part of me thinks a few years with him would be better than none but my daughter would be very annoyed at the thought of me taking on someone with health needs.

Sorry this is long - just want some thoughts as I’ve no one else to discuss this with. Thanks.

He coughs incessantly and smokes, and isn’t talking steps to find out what’s wrong, or stop smoking?

Thats not attractive, is it? you’re already thinking about being his carer!

I think you will have a relationship with him though.

i think you are more involved than you realise.

however I think it’s premature to think you will be his carer

sadly and I do not say this lightly the only thing this man could be at risk of is lung cancer or copd - I don’t think either would require you to be a carer

anything else is just a lottery

i hope he stays healthy though…..good luck it’s great that you’ve found each other again

IMO OP, you obviously still have strong feelings for this man and there is no reason why you can have a relationship with him. Just don’t move in together or get married. Don’t make any commitments. Just enjoy it for what it is and keep houses, finances, everything separate. In other words just date each other. You would be wrong to take him on as a husband or live in lover as you could end up being his full time carer and lose your own money to looking after him.
Dating with benefits would be more sensible.

Sorry, “No reason why you CANT have a relationship…”

Couldn't you just date & have fun rather than moving it on to living together/becoming his carer in the future?

Presumably you both have homes and social lives etc already established, couldn't you just be nice additions to each other's lives than going all in?

Anyway, it's very early days and you don't know whether it's a goer at all. You don't sound massively attracted to him, so I think you should be careful not to just do this for the sake of being with someone or because it's a romantic idea to have this old flame back in your life.

Only you can decide. For me the being a smoker and the cough would be total dealbreakers (smoking in 2022? With all we know about its effects on health? That's not acceptable I'm afraid).

I say think about this very very carefully - once you move in together, moving out becomes way more difficult.