DH and I have reached an impasse in our relationship and I can’t see how we can improve things. He’s a workaholic, he fully admits this but says it’s due to him being crap and disorganised, that’s just how it is and he won’t change and I just have to accept it. He works until the early hours every night, is completely switched off and focused on work, everyday is like walking on eggshells as he’s so stressed.
He also refuses to drive despite being able to, he says he’s too nervous to do it which means I have to drive him and DC everywhere, hours a day going to and from school etc. I can’t even be ill as there’s no backup.
We have two DC, ages 12 and 10. He helps with them but in a very stressy way. I just can’t carry on living in this atmosphere. He won’t change his job as he says we need to
earn at least £100k. We don’t. I’ve told him I’m happy to live in less, we earn a lot but don’t spend it as he’s never available to do anything. I’ve changed my job from a corporate job to tutoring to fit around his job and the kids, I earn a tenth of what I used to but he isn’t happy about me going back to FT
work as I need to look after the kids and the house.
I just want him to relax and enjoy life but he’s hell bent on slaving away because he things he has to, and work is so hard on him due to his self-perceived massive character flaws which he says are just him and he can’t change.
What the hell do I do? I don’t want to divorce as I do love him and I don’t want to damage the kids. But how the hell can we carry on in this way? I think he’s depressed but he refuses to even think about seeing a doctor or
have any counselling. He won’t even go to the dentist or opticians so a counsellor is way out of the question. He drinks a bottle of wine a day.
I’ve been diagnosed with depression and have been on ADs for years, but for some reason that’s fine for me but out of the question for
him.
What should my next steps be now I’ve told him how unhappy I am and his response has basically been ‘this is how I am, I won’t change, deal with it.’ I guess I need to divorce him but is that the best thing for the children, and if it is, what do I do? Practically what steps do I take?
thank you for reading this.