Appointment with solicitor today RE divorce from abusive H. Advice please

[KnoxOnFoxInSocksOnBox]

Hi, after being separated for a year from my husband I have finally plucked up the courage to start a divorce and have an appointment today.

I moved out originally with the kids to stay with family as his drinking had come to such a point that he was angry, unsafe around the children and very unpredictable. He has always been a fairly heavy drinker but the last couple of years this has spiralled into full blown alcolism. He is full of anger, has ongoing mental health issues and I can hardly see anything left of the man I fell in love with and who have known for the whole of my adult life.
It is a mess of his drinking and depression, and debt and the kids have witnessed things they should never have seen.

I moved back home a few months ago with the children and he moved out. Since then he has been up and down. He sometimes goes weeks without drinking and sees the kids but recently has gone the other way which culminated in a police visit when he wouldn't leave and was verbally and physically abusive to me and one of the children.

I have completely blocked him since and not allowed him in the house but I need to draw a line under things and get all this to stop for the sake of the kids.

The house is joint mortgaged. We both have debts. Mine manageable, his not so much. I have an excellent pension which I have paid into all my working life (NHS) and earn approx 40000 pa. He earns approx 30000 pa and has a very tiny pension as he has always refused to get one sorted. We have had fairly separate finances for quite a long time as he was untrustworthy with his spending and I pay for the vast majority of things with the house and kids.

I'm very worried about the discrepancies in our salaries and my much larger pension and don't want to lose out in divorce. It seems likely at least for the moment that he won't be having the kids unsupervised and certainly not overnight and there is a possibility of social services becoming involved after the recent police incident.

Sorry for the long post. Thanks for reading if you have got this far. Any advice would be appreciated such as what to ask in my appointment later

List facts.

List what you want that you deem fair and correct.
Bullet point Important Stuff.
Time is money and ime sat there waffling will cost YOU.. Be prepared to get upset - take tissues!
And remember fighting hard and dirty may well come into it. From this day forward see him as The Enemy.. It really is You versus Him now.

No more Miss Nice Girl.

And breathe..

Thank you. It's things like that I need to hear.
I've let things go as far as they have because I've been making too many allowances for him.
I've lived with his mental health issues for far longer than his alcolism and before things got nasty and have been so used to stepping on eggshells to protect how he feels.
All he talks about is how much he loves me but its all talk and his actions prove otherwise.

Have dropped the kids with my mum and got phone appointment very soon

Exactly this. Notepad and pen. Bullet list of all you need to know. Make notes or ask if you can record the conversation.
Protect your pension at all costs. Trust me, this is essential and it must be written in stone that he doesn’t ever get a cut.

Well the money discrepancy will continue so the longer you delay divorcing the less time you will have to build up your assets again.

Also, with his alcohol problems and your DC being reliant on you, right now you are more likely to be awarded a larger share of your assets.

The solicitor will want all the financial facts

All the history of abuse addiction facts

A summary of house he’s been over the last 6 months

Then tell her what you think is best for the kids

Then she’ll tell you how it could play and how the money will likely split

Given he earns an OK salary for himself, and the kids will logically stay with you, I don’t think you’ll loose much if anything