Please can I have encouragement for leaving an abusive partner

[ChiquititaCat]

So I've written on here before, but I'm currently in the process of leaving an abusive man. He's done horrible things, choke me, punch me, call me a who*e etc. I'm very decided and we're having to sell a house. I'm only 27 and luckily never had kids with him, and I really hope to build a better life. I have a good job and I think I'll be ok.

But it's really hard right now because he's lashing out at me any way he can get into contact with me, threatening that he will take all the money from the house sale etc, because he's initially put more as a deposit etc. He's just a really nasty person and I think he thinks he's losing control over me.

I just really need some words of encouragement to keep going!xx

I don't think anyone would say anything except go, go, go! Wonderful that you don't have kids together. Leave as quickly as you can (when safe) and block this awful man. You have a wonderful life ahead of you. I believe in you! x

Thank you so much, it means a lot more than you know

If ever you need encouragement, read your post over and over and ask yourself, 'if this was another poster on MN, what would I say?'

Do you have a solicitor to ensure fair split of the proceeds from the sale?

Sending you good wishes! Hope you can contact a solicitor so that he doesn’t do something dishonest.

Thank you all - I will be trying to get one because he's becoming more aggressive

Keep going @ChiquititaCat . You're doing great xxx Eventually you won't have to have anything to do with this dickhead ever again.❤

Leave and don't look back xx I just finished with my partner yesterday police needed to be rang... he broke my phone, trashed my house nearly as he is always paranoid I'm cheating so enough was enough.. we deserve better!!.msg me if u need encouragement cuz the Lord knows I need it too xxx

Hey lady, I have been in this exact situation. First of all let me tell you, this is the most freeing and empowering thing you will ever do. Any doubts you have now will evaporate once you realise how light you are without him. Then, let me tell you what the Police told me: when you tell an abusive man it's over is when you are in the most danger. Do not tell him in advance you are going. Disappear, and make sure you are surrounded by people who make you feel safe or that he doesn't know where you are. Legally, his threats are empty. He cannot take money that belongs to you. If he's threatening, do not hesitate to involve the police. One of my biggest regrets is not getting more on record to protect other women in the future. You're amazing, and you're doing the absolute right thing xx

Take extremely good care right now.

And then once you're gone, there will be a point, I don't know when, you will think, "he's not my problem any more" and it is the greatest feeling ever.

I can't tell you how to get the courage to go, that's in you. But I can tell you that not being scared anymore is fantastic. Waking up unafraid, going to sleep unafraid. Good luck.

As PP said this could be a dangerous time. Please be careful! Don't see him alone. Make sure somebody in your life knows what's going on.

Block him on your phone and only communicate via email. Set up a special email address for this purpose. (Maybe someone else you know and trust can monitor it.) Report any threats received to the police. (Ensure you have copies of all bank accounts, credit cards, loans, payment plans, bills, etc that either of you pay.)

Speak to rights of women for advice on getting a non-molestation order or similar.

Any violence towards you or even threats report to the police every time.

Are you now living apart?

You can do this

Totally agree with this. Blocking him on your phone - and keeping him blocked - will make your life so much more peaceful. He can email anything you need to sort regarding the house etc. As others have said, please be safe physically. You never need to see this man again, and certainly not alone. Only collect things with a friend or relative to accompany you (ideally a couple of them - large and male). Change all passwords, locks, etc. make sure there's nothing tracking your phone. Change your phone number if need be. Block him on everything - what's app, Facebook, etc. you don't have kids - luckily - so you don't have any responsibilities to keeping communication open bar email contact to divide assets.

well done - I'm rooting for you from afar - your life is going to be so so wonderful! Please don't doubt yourself x

As regards the house sale, you should have solicitors involved to ensure all the documentation is correct but most solicitors will do a residential property sale pretty cheaply. The sales proceeds will be paid into the solicitor’s bank account and the paid on to you from there (less their fees). It should be possible to arrange for the relevant shares from the sales proceeds to be transferred to each of you by the solicitors who act on the sale. Of course, it would require him and you to instruct the same solicitors and he might refuse to do that but this is the best way to control the money.

He sounds absolutely horrible, OP, and very dangerous. Well done for getting away from him. He is losing control over you and this is a dangerous time for you. Please heed the practical advice above and in particular never see him alone.

I agree with this and most of what’s above.
Especally not seeing him alone and reporting him to the police every time. They might not do much but if it gets really nasty at least he won’t be able to use the “out of character” defence in court as there will be a paper trial

next time he starts his bullshit ring the police and say your scared he’ll hurt you again. The police (have a legal duty of care regardless of the country you live in)will get you a social worker who will help you get a lawyer and a safe place to live of your can’t stay where you are

You can do this.. cowardly little man will get what’s coming too him one day, karmas a bitch