My mum/sister may think I've stolen earrings

[Mommyshere]

Hi all

So keeping this as brief but detailed as possible.

In my teenage years I shoplifted - not a proud moment but I did it with the crowd.

My mum and sister are tight knit, sister still lives at home and has said in the past they talk about 'my ways'. One reference to my children and how I put my foot down with telling her not to give them sweets at 9am. My mum says "well I will and not tell you" and then it causes an argument to then my mum saying "I'm just winding you up" My sister laughs along saying how my mum can't say no to her grandchildren

So basically they come as a pair.

My mum got some earrings for her birthday. People who came to see her looked at them and I was the last person to see them and say how nice they were - can't really remember them properly but I remember looking at them. Anyway we were out and DD1 was kicking off and my mum rang me to ask if I'd seen them or knew where they were. I said no and asked why? She said they had gone missing and I was the last person to see them. Maybe it's be being paranoid but I took that as a indirect way of saying have you taken them. I told her to check her drawers, jewellery box etc and she said she couldn't remember what they looked like, were they red? I told her I couldn't remember but I had to go, DD1 is kicking off still and hubby is stressing I will ring her back. She put the phone down on me. 20 minutes later, tantrum over, I rang her back and then said ok what's happened and she explained calmly. I was giving her suggestions where they could be, piecing the day together with her and then in the end told her they've got to turn up. She's checked in the big wheelie bins and everything. She put the phone down saying bye this time, but agitated. The next time I went round the house I said let me check down the sofas for you and underneath, it's a long shot but the kids could have got hold of them and put them there for some reason - 5 year old and 3 year old twins. Who knows why they do things! She snapped that she has re bought them back. I said well keep the receipt and then when the others turn up you can take them back.

What gets me is the 'looks' my mum and sister give each other. Just to test them I said "I can't wait to see where they turn up after all this" and they look at each other wide eyed in shock like they couldn't believe I have the balls to say such a thing. I know and can feel they've had a conversation about me 'being the last ones to see them' For the record on my children's lives I haven't taken them and the sooner they turn up the fucking better. Im going to be the smuggest person

The fact they both could think that though has got me. I would love to say to her "if I did take them what would I do with them?" I can't wear them as she'd see them on photos etc and I cba on night out to remember to cover my ears of stolen earrings in a picture to hide from my mum or sister!! Who would do that? I don't need earrings, I have a million pairs and have just handmade my own.

Hubby just says they will turn up and I know I have done nothing wrong but how would others feel? Am I being too sensitive?

If that’s what they are actually saying to each other, they’re a pair of nasty bitches.

I have a brother that likes to make baseless accusations and cause family dramas. I really hope that they turn up op, and you can feel vindicated. Nothing worse than being unable to prove it for yourself.

Thankyou, I always believe things come in threes. I found my keys yesterday, the. DS found a numberblock I'm praying the third thing is the earrings.

Who bloody knows. I pray they turn up asap. She might not tell me if they do 🤷🏼‍♀️

They can be a right pair. For the past 8 years or so they go on holiday together every year. They'll visit Barcelona, somewhere in the uk or a spa. I've never got an invite so fair enough, they don't have to invite me. The males in the family are doing a mountain hike which will take them a week. My mum rang me up to say she was thinking of going away and I said "no mum I'm not looking after the cat" and she said "I wasn't going to say that I was going to ask if you wanted to come" Genuine shock hit me and then upset as I would never want one of my girls to feel the way I did. I've declined anyway. I'm happy with that as well. I don't want to be the one that doesn't know what happens when they are away and next year I won't be invited (because the males won't be hiking). They just have a different relationship and plan days to spend time together etc

In the meantime in the frame for these fucking earrings

The pair of them need to take a look at themselves.

You shoplifted as a teen. Big whoop. You've moved out, married, has children, have an independent adult life. Your sister still lives with mummy.

You're not the problem in this situation. It's them. They sound as bad as each other so you probably feel ganged up on and they make you question if you're the issue but it's them. They sound like nasty dickheads.
Ignore them. Have your grown up life indeoende from your mum and leave your sister to act the baby.

This is true however I joint own my business with my sister so that's hard but business and sister relationship has been separate and we know that.

One of the best moves my sister pulls is if I upset my mum. I booked a holiday over Christmas and didn't invite her. I wanted us 5 in a hot tub just eating pizza on Xmas day - what the kids want. My mum didn't eat and couldn't sleep so my sister washed her hands of me as well. My mums not stupid she knows how to cut me off

We found a pen lid today so that's the third thing. No effing earrings 🤬🤬🤬

I had the same thing endlessly over the years
my mother would misplace something and not even bother looking-I’d stolen it,no questions asked
then whatever would be found-no sorry-nothing until she misplaced something else
the last straw was when she lost £350
she rang me,kicking off big time about what a thief I was and how she was ashamed of me
i pointed out that we where 90 miles away,I was 8 months pregnant and had 5 other kids with me
her answer was that I dragged the kids up,travelled to hers on the bus,broke in,stole the money and travelled back-all in the space of the one hour she wasn’t at home
when the kids told her that I’d done no such thing-her answer was I travelled to hers on the bus-but left the kids in bed-they didn’t notice I wasn’t there

nothing to do with my drug addicted brother who lives with her-he’s always innocent and wouldn’t dream of touching her stuff even though it’s been proved many times that in fact he has stolen to feed his habit

im now nc

Are you sure they think this? You mentioning your teenage shop lifting does make me wonder if you are experiencing a bit of paranoia.

Mind you, I am not surprised you feel paranoid as they both sound like they have the mental age of 12 and have never stopped being mean girls. Can you just spend a lot less time with them, I am sorry to speak ill of your relatives but they sound like two bags of junk DNA to me.

Hmm, I wouldn't want to stay in business with your sister with this sort of family dynamic. Any particular reason why you've gone into business with her when she always sides with your DM against you? Can you extricate yourself from the arrangement?

She's missplaced them. She probably set them on her lap, in her pockets, or table and got up and they fell on the floor. The cat could have batted them too. I wouldn't give it another thought.

Your family are toxic, the way they're treating you is awful. BTW she won't be able to return the second pair of earrings for hygiene reasons, if the original pair turn up. I wouldn't be letting her look after your DC if you suspect she's going to do things behind your back that you don't want to happen.

Maybe your sister has taken them and hidden them, to “set you up”. So they may never be found. Just a thought as I have a sister like that.

Even if they are found you will be suspected of bringing them back and "planting" them to be found. With people like that you can't win.

I may be wrong. But you do you think she found them and felt silly for her behaviour towards you, so she has lied and said she brought them again?

You have a name change fail at 01.02 am you may wanna remove op

I am the original poster, I tried a name change, I forgot my password. All been a nightmare

Anyway I can't leave my business, it's been a growth but if she sided with my mum in an argument, we text business and sort business. Done.

I doubt she would lie about buying them back and your probably right I would be blamed for planting them somewhere. That's a good point. I'm thinking they probably think I've stolen them to sell them. If it was to be said, I would refuse any contact until they pay for a lie detector. I know that sounds extreme but I would have to make them do something extreme to make me feel the way I do.

My sister wouldn't plant them, she wouldn't want to upset my mum

My mum had some expensive creams she got bought for her birthday that she kept in a gift bag and put the earrings on top and she they stayed there until my sister reminded her the bag was there and my mum then saw the earrings weren't there and she knows they were and I just said well I don't know what to say, if you've 10000% checked the bins as well.

Is it worth me saying something??

I thought maybe the sisters stolen and sold them and is using the OP as a scapegoat

I don't think my sister would do that, she wouldn't want to upset my mum in the first place

They sound horrible and immature. I would be upset for sure. Can I ask how on earth you mange to run a business with your sister if she is like this??

They sound unpleasant and while I am in no way saying you took them you are behaving in a slightly guilty way.
I am sure it’s because you feel accused rather than anything else but your reaction could be seen as an over the top attempt to hide what you did.
If a family member or friend of mine had lost something I would probably just say it was a shame and that I hoped they found them soon
I do think you should keep your distance from the nasty pair

Because business is business and we've always said that. Sisters don't come into it. We both pride ourselves on being professional etc.

I tried to be helpful etc and rang her back. I want her to find them but I don't know what more I can do?

The original phone call was very accusing and saying where they red and stuff was weird?? But at the time DD1 was kicking off big time in a bloody garden centre so the phone call wasn't that important really at that time.

I do hope she finds them and hasn't bought them back and just said that

Tbh I wish she would just say it, tell the whole world as I know the truth and can prove it easily

Hang the dirty washing I don't give a fuck

I can somewhat empathise with you @Mommyshere . While I didn't shop lift when I was a teenager, there was a family heirloom that my mother had and she was showing it to me and my kids. My kids being the last to see the item. I think that it was brought into school as part of a 'show and tell' session but I remember leaving it in my mother's house. So I knew that the heirloom was in her house.
She swore blind to me that we must have taken the item home and it was with me or my family and we never spoke about the item since.

She was looking for something else over the past few days and lo and behold, what should turn up but the heirloom....in her house!

Did my kids get an apology from her? Nope.
Did I get an apology from her? Nope.

So, in fairness to you, I'd not sweat the earrings. They'll either show up or they were thrown out in a gift bag into the recycling (as boxes for earrings are usually quite small) so not your doing.

I'd also consider distancing myself from your mother and sister and leave them to it. I'd also try to shield my children from their vitriol where possible.

Just to add, if you can, I'd try and extricate myself from whatever the business deal is between you and your sister. Mixing business with family (unless the family is on really good speaking terms) is probably not a wise decision.

She had all the bins out though, she searched every bag for them.

Her birthday was on the 16th July though and it was a couple of weeks later she noticed

I kind of just want to outright ask her,
Would she say no?
Or
Would she say yes that's why she's been acting differently?

It just makes me wonder