Need advice on trust in a long distance relationship

[relationshipadvice]

Hi everyone,

I’ve been in a long distance relationship with a man for almost a year now. We have such a great emotional connection that I haven’t experienced with anyone before. He meets my love language, and I love him a lot.

i do have some doubts as we haven’t met in person yet. He is in South America and I’m in Canada. He is getting a job visa because he got hired by a Canadian company and will most likely be here by early next year.

the problem is I have trouble trusting his word. Two times now he has went back on his word. The first time happened 3 months ago, he confessed that he was scared about making the move here and leaving his mom and sister and basically all he has known. He never mentioned being indecisive before this convo got brought up 3 months ago, he was really on the fence about coming here. We talked about the pros and cons and he realized he can’t miss out on this opportunity and decided he will come here.

however, this has left me feeling worried that he might change his mind any minute.
The second reason is that he did the going back on his word again last week. Early in the relationship we talked about if we wanted to have children, he’s older than me and hasn’t been in many relationships. He said he was never sure before but with me he definitely sees himself having a family. Then suddenly last week he brings up that he’s unsure about wanting to have children because he wants to experience travelling together and doing things alone first. I’m almost 30 so of course having kids will have to be within the next 5 years.

this caught me by surprise again and now we are on a break. We backed out for 2-3 days and we spoke last night, he realizes that we still have some time to do things before having kids as I don’t see myself having them until I’m 34-35. But if it happens before that’s okay too.

but the issue is and he even knows it, is now I’m left with barely any trust in him. I’m worried that he will flip flop his answer about something else or go back on his word on the immigrating here and wanting children. But he swears he won’t do that and realizes it’s wrong.

is this relationship worth pursuing?

You're planning kids with a man you haven't met, who you don't trust.

What are you confused about?

How can you have an emotional connection and same love language as someone you've not met??

Get a grip!

It sounds like a non-starter and I think you are wasting your time.

Why are you planning to have children with someone you haven’t even met??

Have you spoken to him in the phone? Facetime? Seen the programme Catfish?

Obviously he could be a real person. But even if he is, I don't understand how you can be planning a life and a family with someone you've never even met in person, let alone dwted or lived with.

Please tell me you have video called with him, and actually know he exists

We have spoken on the phone and we FaceTime weekly. We spend many nights together playing games or on FaceTime while doing our own thing. So yes I know he is real. He has mailed me things, and I even met his family on video call.

Yes of course, we speak on FaceTime a couple times a week.

@relationshipadvice you ask: “is this relationship worth pursuing?”

No. It isn’t.

He future faked when he thought you'd never meet in person and now he's flaking out on you as things are becoming "real".

And also, what @Watchkeys said.

What could possibly go wrong.

If you are that aware of your age and your want to have children, I would concentrate on dating people in the same country as you.
To be planning a future, a baby, with someone you’ve never even touched is utterly ridiculous.
I would have second thoughts too if I were him!! Moving country, leaving your family and everything you’ve known for someone you’ve not even met - it’s ludicrous

I've had a couple of short term long distance relationships. Short term because when we met there was zero chemistry

Does he have fresh breath, OP? Clean underwear? Does he change his shirt every day? What does he smell like?

Do you not want to know stuff like this before planning kids with someone?

its not that I’m currently planning to have children with him. It’s more so we must share common core values, and on a first date even with someone IN PERSON, I would ask if they want kids because to me that’s important. If they say no then I obviously wouldn’t continue dating. So I’m not currently planning on having kids with him, like I stated it’s more so the importance of sharing similar values.

on another note, when he does come we have discussed not having many expectations. If it works it works, if it doesn’t it doesn’t. He can return if he wants. But I’m just wondering if the flip flopping and hopefully being able to gain trust back is even worth pursuing.

I really really don't get why some people are so desperate to be part of a couple they will accept such barrel scrapingly low offerings.

Go out and meet a REAL man. Please.

If someone flip flops and you don't feel you can trust them, why would you be considering pursuing anything with them?