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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My Dad is toxic and abusive, but why do I forget that all the time?

2 replies

asitwasnt · 22/08/2022 17:34

My Dad is toxic and emotionally abusive, yet I forget it every time and it hurts me all over again when I realise that he doesn't really love or care about me.

I live with my parents, I'm 23. A lot of my friends still live with their parents, it's hard out there. My Dad is unemployed. I pay my parents rent, and that pot is used for the bills. My Dad is very wasteful - with food and electric. My Mum has been worried about the increased cost of living. Our electric and food bills are really high, way more than is reasonable. She mentions it to me, and I then worry about it, but never mentions it to other members of the household (my Dad, and two of my adult sisters). I mentioned to everyone how much our electric bill was this month (really, really high) and said can we just try and be more mindful of the electric we use. My Dad went mad at me, and turned off the electric when I was working from home.

Last week I also booked theatre tickets for my family. I asked around who wanted to go, and my Dad said he didn't want to go. So I booked the tickets. He now wants to go, and I said he can but I've already booked the tickets and there's no more seats in our row, so someone would have to sit on their own. He accused me of deliberately booking a row with only a set number of available seats so that he couldn't go...?

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 22/08/2022 17:38

It's called cognitive dissonance. You've been trained all your life to accept unacceptable behaviour, so, in one form or another, it has been both at once, whatever he's done. Now you have 2 truths at the same time: His behaviour is both ok and not ok.

It's a common problem when you have an abusive parent. Plenty to google and learn about. It's good that you're questioning it.

Shamanichealingcornwall · 22/08/2022 22:03

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