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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mothers!

29 replies

cheesedoff · 05/11/2002 12:18

Have changed my name for this one as may be ostracised by Mumsnet if I don't!

I have what can only be described as an up-and-down relationship with my mum. She's not the most stable of people - in that I don't mean she's unstable mentally or anything, but she says one thing and does another if you see what I mean. She's sometimes in a really good mood when I phone (it is ALWAYS me that phones never her), sometimes is really short with me. She is on her own and I am an only child so there is no-one else to dilute things down abit. I told her a couple of months ago that we were all going to inlaws for Christmas as we've had her down the last two years and we felt they ought to see the children at Christmas (she doesn;t get on with them AT ALL - refers to them as the Gremlins so we can't all get together - she does have plenty of friends to see at Christmas and we told her we wanted to come up to see her on Boxing Day) and she didn't talk to me for nearly a month - slammed the phone down when I tried to call.
First thing - am I unreasonable to want children to spend Christmas with their other grandparents?

Second this is that I think she is mean. For dd's 4th birthday all she bought her was 3 pairs of socks. Admittedly they're nice socks and dd liked them, but she can't have spent more than a tenner. In-laws normally spend £25 and have 6 grandchildren and are not that well off. My mum only has my children as grandchildren and is very well off. Is she being mean or should I be grateful she got her a present?

Thanks for allowing me a little rant - feels good!

OP posts:
SueDonim · 13/11/2002 07:37

Sml, I'm not sure it's possible to even guess what people's motives are when it comes to giving gifts. What goes through my DB's mind, I have no idea. But I find it hard to accept that not everyone thinks the same way as I do about lots of things!

Shattered · 17/11/2002 23:53

(Rant) I just wish my mother could say things without having an accusatory tone in her voice!! Amazing how they still make you feel like a naughty child.

I have so many memories of her saying things like, "What will the neighbours think??!!", or "Aren't you coming to the family get-together next weekend??? They will be expecting to see you and I will be VERY disappointed if you don't come." or "Why don't you do it like THIS, it's a much better way of doing it" etc etc etc. Guilt trips galore - even now, if I'm running a bit late or if I don't have time to see a certain family member when they're visiting, I get very uptight about what her reaction will be. My dh often says to me, "Don't worry so much about what people think", well I can say it's probably from years of listening to my mother!!! Thanx - rant over now...

WideWebWitch · 18/11/2002 18:38

Oooh Shattered, know what you mean! When dp asked me to marry him and I said yes and told my mum her reaction was "and what are you waiting for me to say?" !!!! err, congratulations maybe? I'm happy if you are? Anything? Do love her but she just knows exactly the wrong thing to say sometimes!

titchy · 19/11/2002 10:13

Oh yes you've just reminded me. when I told my mother I was expecting dd her reaction was 'Well that's what you wanted wasn't it'. Errr yes it was, but congratulations would have been nice. The women at work were far more excited than she was - positively ga ga!

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