Friendship issues still and again...

[YouWantItAllButYouCantHaveIt]

There isn't really a solution to this. I'm just having a bit of a sad moment.

I don't really have any friends I'm in any sort of regular contact with. I'm not close to any of them really. Or I have been but the dynamics have changed through life changes so now we barely speak. Not for any particular reason other than differing priorities.

In the past 10 years, I've made friends through hobbies, through regular social contact, through work but they've generally been 10+ years older than me and it was fine while i was late 30s and they were late 40s/early 50s but, 10 years on, they have elderly parents and granchildren arriving that take up more of their time.

Everyone else is settled in relationships and, whilst I have a boyfriend, we don't live together.

I have a mid 20s child who lives away from hone and a 16 year old at home who is becoming more independent. I have a lot of free time to go out and pursue hobbies/a social life plus no ageing parents and no grandchildren so no other commitments.

I don't really meet women of my own age and, when I do, they are often still in the throes of parenting younger children and their time is taken up with that and their priorities are different.

None of the friends I've made over the past 10 years have become 'close'. I've also lost a few close friends for various reasons.

I feel in a bit of a limbo friendship wise.

I could take up different hobbies but I like the ones I have!

It's just hard.

I could take up different hobbies but I like the ones I have

This is a bit 'I know the solution but I can't be bothered.'

If you're not willing to change anything, nothing will change? What do you want from the thread?

Can you go on a few local walking tours? Not a hobby as such, but will get you out meeting people on a drop in/drop out basis?

Proabably should have been a bit clearer.

Over the past 10 years, I've been a long term member of a community choir; joined 4 bands - I stayed in one for a year but didn't make any friends and didn't enjoy the music particularly so I left, one band kind of fell apart during lockdown and didn't recover because circs had changed for everyone afterwards, I've been I another band for 4 years and another for about 3 months; I did yoga with a friend's wife for 2 years until they closed the class; I did British Military Fitness for a year but it wasn't really my thing and I didn't find it to be good for making friends as other people I know did anyway; I've done swing dance lessons including social dances and weekend festivals away but I'm not a good dancer!; I've done a lot of voluntary work in different capacities over the years; I've been a member of walking groups and we've been on weekends away staying in Youth Hostels but those stopped pre covid and have resumed; I have a local pub where I go for live music and I've become quite friendly with some people there but most haven't translated into friendships outside of the pub - which is fair enough - it's still nice to chat and catch up.

Within all of these things, I've met people. I know a lot of people! Some of them have remained acquaintances for various reasons, some became friends but we have drifted apart a bit I suppose because of changes in our lives (mainly theirs) over the past 10 years. Many of my friends have how retired so their lives look very different. The affluent ones are never at home! And others are taking care of grandchildren and caring for ageing parents.

So I'm back at square one with friendships.

As for being unwilling, I just don't really have the time for anything else. I work full time in a job that is quite demanding of my time outside of work and there is a need for just quiet and peace at times too.

Currently, I practice Mondays and Wednesdays. I do yoga on a Thursday. I have gigs at weekends fairly often but many people spend their weekends with close friends and their families quite often. There isn't much time for going out with someone they barely know to forge a new friendship that they don't need anyway.

I have had a few disappointments with people who I've considered close friends over the years so now I prefer to keep it casual, not expect too much, but not open myself too much too soon either.

As we grow older, it is more difficult to make close friends as people generally become more busy or set in their ways and it's hard to find true common ground.

Also, I notice that to make things worse, now social media takes over the real world so a lot of people do not bother with people in real life as they are extremely occupied keeping their online lives and personas.

Just recently I went on a short holiday with a friend who spent most of the time taking pictures and recording videos to put on FB. Needless to say that's not the kind of friend I want in my life. Completely not present in the moment.

My advice would be to keep it casual with your friends in the pub or different hobbies/clubs and not to worry too much about getting closer. Everybody is busy and stressed with so many demands placed on them, it's hard to set time aside for quality friendships. It's just the way it is and it doesn't say anything about us as people or friends. We live in very weird and strained times and it's hard to make true friends.