Should I not go on holiday ?

[Sangria33]

DH, DC,MiL, FIL and I are due to go on a group holiday in a few weeks time. DH and I arent getting on at all.
There have been ongoing problems for a while now and I'm at the end of my tether.
In essence DH is not a bad man but he has become obsessed with working. I work PT and do a degree the days I am not at work meaning in the summer I have the DC for the whole 6 weeks with no help.
I am also left with all the housework and childcare despite my job and education commitments. I find this exhausting.
We have had many conversations regarding the work life balance and the no help at home. Each time there are promises of change, this lasts a week and then we are back to square one .
This week we have had guests DH has worked the whole time and left me with the housework, entertaining and the DC. It makes me resentful and miserable if I'm honest.
Hes said he doesnt have time to pack or shop for stuff for holiday so can I do it.
Which means by the time we leave I will be frazzled .
I really dont want to go away ,I just feel it will be another week of being put upon. If I'm honest I feel like I need some space to think.
Keen to here peoples thoughts on this ?

Don't go, pack for the children, let him sort himself out.

The best holiday for you would be to stay at home while the others went away. Pack for the DC, not him and send them on their way.

What will happen on the holiday, will you be left with all the childcare whilst your DH gets all the downtime? If yes, you'd be better off having a week with him out of the house on this holiday, ideally he would take the DC with him but this seems extremely unlikely to happen given he does no parenting.

I would tell him and PIL that you'll need to catch up on degree work and won't be able to go on holiday. You'll need some childcare for the DC in that week to enable you to have some head space.

Pack for you and the DC, go on holiday and don't lift a finger.

Don’t blame you not wanting to go, it won’t be a holiday.

Agree with the others, pack for the kids, tell him to sort himself out & have a chilled out week at home to think about what you’re really getting out of this marriage.

If I'm honest I dont really want DC to go with him. I feel like if he wasnt here making mess, being untidy and unhelpful it would be easier. I have family who dont live local but i can visit and have some support.

Honestly, you both sound very stressed. It is very hard having young DC. When our DC were small, DH felt a lot of financial pressure and worked long hours, which meant that I did most of the childcare as well as working PT. If you’re trying to do a degree as well as a PT job with young kids, no wonder you’re stressed out.

Go on the holiday. Ask if PIL can babysit some nights so that you can spend time together away from the kids.

A change of scene is great for everyone.

Tell him you're over whelmed and don't think you're up to going away - but will that mean he pulls out too and you'll just be at home with the kids rather than away? Will things be easier once you actually get away? Will he, MIL and FIL help out while you're away? If so you'd probably still be better off going as this is a longer term problem than the actual holiday which is just a bit of a flash point. Or maybe you're not keen on MIL and FIL and it will be miserable anyway?

Can you put the kids in a holiday club for some of the week over the hols? Or get a cleaner (or both). If he's so obsessed with work hopefully he's making more money and can pay for it! You obviously need some help and if he can't step up then he needs to pay for it.

I've asked about a cleaner and told we cant afford it. They have gone to club two days a week but I have had to do DIY and housework for the week when they are there as if I dont it doesnt get done at all so no downtime for me. I guess I'm very lonely on top of everything else.
Deep down I know really I should leave but was hoping it would work out, it's hard when DC are so young.

There's a few things that could happen here.
1.) you go away, your DH had s relaxing holiday whilst your mother in law witters on about how much he deserves it 'as he works so hard' whilst you cater for everyone.
2.) you stay home, he takes the kids, the in laws do all the running around whilst tutting about you staying at home and your DH still doesn't really understand what it's like.

If I were you I would conveniently get sick so you have to stay home ahh then send a text to the in laws reiterating that you're sorry you can't be there but your DH will have it all covered as he's always there for bedtime/ morning routine and so should require little assistance from them. Let him show himself up:

Stay home and let him take the kids.

or at the very least tell him you dont have to
Time either to grab stuff and he will have to do it.

If I decide I'm not going I'm also unsure when to tell him. He sulks so really dont want to spend a few weeks with him in that mood.
God it's hardwork !

So what if he sulks? Don't let him weaponise his sulking to make you fall into line. Let him know that he's predictable and it's boring. Take the power away.
Go and visit your family instead.

I'd tell him that you need to get caught up and have a bit of a break while not catching up so it's best that he and the children go without you, you don't want them to lose out. Then get everything done in the house in between long life ins and relaxing afternoons. You just wouldn't be able to relax knowing that you have all this to come back to and you wouldn't want him and the children to miss out on their holiday.

I've asked about a cleaner and told we cant afford it.
So you've no visibility of the household budget? No way to provide input to it, despite the fact you're doing the majority of the household work? That tells you plenty.

Do the kids want to go on this holiday, or aren't bothered? I would make your decision based around that.

I don't think it's really fair for kids to miss holiday. By all means stay home yourself if you want to but I don't know why you'd deny them the break

How old are DC, I work full time and study along side it (career means this will be the case for a long while). We have managed by letting standards slip with how the house was before DS. Could the holiday be a chance to reconnect with DH? If you get along in every other way other than the house I would find a balance that's saves your relationship. Go enjoy the holiday but don't pack for him!