Did you ever get an apology/similar that you never thought would happen?

[Greyi]

Just that really. Years ago after an abusive relationship I did get an apology a year later. Took me by surprise and there was no ulterior motive as he sent once nice message and said he would respect I wouldn’t want to respond. More recently I’ve had a terrible time with DC’s dad. Truly awful. We are both single and doubt we will get back together but I hope one day I have a similar apology or acknowledgment of behaviour as I gave to him. I’m aware the best thing is to move on etc etc but this is just about times when people have come out of woodwork and done the right thing.

Anyone?

Nah you do realise they only apologise to make themselves feel better? It’s not about you or feeling bad for what they did it’s just about easing their own guilt

yes I did. It dragged me back in. And yy it was for his benefit not mine.

Agree that an apology can be a way of them offloading the guilt they feel. It can be for their benefit rather than yours and sadly, I think this is the main reason people apologise. Either that or another ulterior motive like trying to get something from you e.g. easier divorce, money etc.. something that will benefit them

I received a random facebook message from the boyfriend who raped me at 17, some 27 years later. I assume he was doing AA or something. Didn't help.

The only late apology was from my STBXH. We went to a big (his) family reunion in 2019.

By the last night I was fed up that he had spent the majority of the time pissing it up with his brothers, and grown up nephews and leaving most of the cleaning, childcare and work to his sister and the wives.

He found me having a quite beer on my own (I don’t normally drink). So I said I was just chilling and was feeling stressed. He asked me why and I said because I was fed up of his family leaving all the work to the girls. He said everyone was just having fun. He muttered he had moved some outside chairs around last night. I said that wasn’t much and we had a huge row, because I was being rude about his family.

Anyway April 2022 we decide to divorce. July 2022 he tells me he had over reacted during that 2019 argument because he was pissed. And if he hadn’t apologised at the time (he hadn’t) he had meant to.

Not sure if that’s what you meant, but for me much too little, far far too late.

I've never had any apologies for the way I've been treated (domestic abuse) and that is, imo, because he isn't actually sorry. It has taken me a long time and a lot of therapy to understand that. I spent years when we were together thinking that surely this time he'd see how wrong he was, but nope.

It is probably just as well because a heartfelt apology would have sucked me back in and now I'm out the other side.

I did, after exp and I separated. He was an alcoholic and treated me badly during the relationship. The relationship ended in him cheating. He apologised a couple of years after we split and I do believe the apology was genuine. However I kind of think he was trying to suss out whether I'd be open to giving things another go. I wasn't.