Speaking as a previously ignorant idiot husband on the other side of this, please try to have this discussion with your husband - perhaps even just share this thread.
We've been married more than 10 years, and somewhere along the way I took things for granted; I was doing the majority of the housework (though not financial stuff or much organising) and we were great at doing things with our child so I thought we were doing well.
Between my studies and wanting to do stuff with friends once or twice a week to unwind, the time I spent with my wife dwindled - my wife loves to rewatch a few different series every couple of years, I struggle to enjoy this so I'd go on my phone or take myself to another room.
Because I didn't do the finance stuff, I didn't know if I could spend; I'd ask permission to buy things and I didn't really think of spending money on us as a couple.
Me not being present meant that my wife got lonely, felt disconnected - she'd try to convey this by asking me if I was worried that our interests were different etc. I thought that family life outside of couple stuff was going really well, and assumed that we were solid.
Eventually that lack of a connection meant that our sex life suffered, I felt rejected and thought it might because I was too boring in bed or I wasn't good enough. This hurt me, and used to affect my mood - it got to the point that turning me down and me getting upset made my wife anxious and she closed up emotionally.
I struggled to communicate my perspective, and closed off too - I started to go out more and spend more time away from my wife, thinking that she didn't want to be with me anymore. We stopped going out or doing anything much as a couple.
We had a really stressful year (lots of external stuff) and my wife turned to friends online for emotional support, although I don't think she shared just how bad things were.
Eventually all the stress and anxiety became too much for my wife to hide, she broke down in tears one day and told me how she'd really felt for several years - that she felt I saw her as "mum" and not the woman I fell in love with.
I was stunned. My whole world felt like it had been ripped apart, and I felt ashamed how I'd left my best friend on her own for so long. I shared perspective, and we promised each other that we'd both try to open up more, and to reconnect.
Since then things have been getting better, we talk more and spend more time with each other. I've taken on more of the financial things and organising - which has been good as I now feel like I can occasional