How to get over life not being as you hoped

[Kefelobi]

I’m being mopey. I have a lovely dc, but circumstances were awful, ex went through a breakdown and although has paid maintenance has never been around. I never imagined my life to be like this at all. I’m forty in a couple of years and just feel sad I’ve missed out on things like marriage and so on. I’m trying my best to remember there’s good in my life but it’s hard watching friends and family celebrate milestones in their relationships.

I have therapy and it’s discussed a lot. I suppose it’s trying to accept life not being how I had always imagined and hoped for.

Life is very rarely the way anyone thought it was going to be. Who knows what’s round the corner for you?! Not all those lovely milestones have picture perfect back-stories (and I’m sure you know people that only show their best side to the outside world) I expect a lot of people would love to be in your shoes. Therapy is great to concentrate on the positives in your life - good luck

But you’re not even 40 yet, you’ve a lot still to do.
Some things you can’t change - your ex’s breakdown or behaviour - but other things you can.
What do you want to do, where do you want to go, what do you want to see?
I had a few shit years ( h was an alcoholic, abusive ) but once I ditched him I did what I wanted to do and had far more adventures after 42 ( when I got rid) than I’d had before.

OP I have been thinking similar thoughts this afternoon.

it gets better with time but I think sometimes you just have to accept that sometimes these days will happen where you really feel it.

I'm having similar feelings and wondering if it will ever get better. Sending hugs.

You're not alone, i think most people feel like you multiple times over the course of their life. I know i have , being widowed, divorced and now just ended a three year relationship where I found out for most of that time he'd been unfaithful.

I'm in my 50's self-employed and my job really doesn't bring me into contact with people so feel quite isolated at times. I try not to think too much about what my future will hold as it can feel very bleak.This is not at all what I planned, even 2 months ago my life was very different and i had so much to look forward to. I'm dreading the winter ..... short days ....bad weather....not going to help .....life always seems better in the sunshine.

I'm in a similar situation, and it's easy to go round in circles analysing the past. It's unhelpful and very unhealthy.

Counselling seems to focus on inspecting the past, which didn't help either.
I stumbled upon Peter Crone on YouTube. It has really help shift my perception.

The past happened as it did, because it was supposed to. And it did.

You need to focus on right now.
Treat yourself better right now.

The future never happens. Everyone talks about the future, and people spend their whole lives being miserable now, because the future will be better.
We can't be in the future.
You didn't do anything wrong. You made the right decisions for you every time, based on learned thought processes.

Become aware of the good things, and enjoy them.

And for the record, I'm 48.
Two ex husbands. I won't frame them as failed marriages anymore. They ended because we weren't supposed to be together forever.
Both ex husbands are good people.
I have 3 great children.

Had I explained this situation to you a few months ago, it would have used very different words.

I feel the same OP.