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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How would you feel?

3 replies

Namehadtochange · 21/08/2022 18:22

I was raped by a person in my family when I was 17.
It turns out that this person was abused and a history of abuse on my mother side.
Before it happened I wasn't in a good place already and dropped out of college and I decided to move and live with my father as it happened in my mother's home. That person use to go there.
At that time I didn't tell my mum until later on and she couldn't believe it. Eventually a lot of the family did find out.
My dad's side doesn't know.
Today I had phone conversation with my mother she wants to visit family but that person lives near by. She is like but don't want to see him. But then she like I do want to go if I see him will say hi as what happened is in the past.
I said well you can say you don't want to see him to other family. Then she said sorry that why wanted to talk to you. I said no one else if it happened to so so daughter in family they never speak to them again.
Then I spoke to family member as they staying at my mother's and they kind of tried to mention this person as I asked for the others.
I feel like so much can happen it's brushed under the carpet. I don't care if that person served time for interfering with an ex gf kids and know as one of them. Family expected my mother
So am I wrong to be upset?

OP posts:
Namehadtochange · 21/08/2022 18:24

Sorry my phone doesn't want me to post this.

Family expected my mother to stand for the person in court but she didn't.
That's why I hardly see that side of my family.

OP posts:
Namehadtochange · 21/08/2022 18:46

Has someone they trusted done this to them? Years later was you expected to forgot and forgive this person.

Well there is forgiving for yourself to let go of what happened. You never forgot and you don't want that person apart of your life again. They lost that chance it is said but wouldn't trust them around my children.

OP posts:
Namehadtochange · 05/09/2022 06:49

I am bumping this up because this is really bugging me.

Recently I saw my mum and she told me she definitely going to visit my family. Knowing this person in family raped me going to be around. Now I can't stop her seeing family but this person she should avoid as he raped her daughter. Or am I overreacting?

I am thinking today to tell her if she has contact with him and all forgotten then she won't see me or my family. She can see the other family but him won't be comfortable and I won't visit her or even speak to her.
I really feel I need this talk with her before she goes up there.

I have moved on with my life never reported him and I should have. This has thrown me a bit and I know they use to be close. I feel upset with her saying it's in the past.

Please any advice on how you handle this?

OP posts:
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