How long after bereavement did you start dating again

[Bobbinsandribbons]

Lost DH 10 months ago from cancer; I have 2 DCs aged 12, it's been rough but we're getting there. Have barely given a thought to dating/relationships, but before he passed, DH did encourage me to find someone.

I recently bumped into an old friend who is divorced and grabbed a coffee with him. Had a lovely chat and at the end he mentioned he'd love to see me again and go for dinner, but understood it was complicated and there was absolutely no pressure. He honestly couldn't have been nicer about it, but is it way too early to consider dating? I don't think I'm in the right headspace but in the 30 mins we chatted I felt lighter and happier than I have in a long time. Any advice?

Its each to their own, personally i was still crying for a couple of years after my dad died so to me moving on at 10mths just seems too early. Your DC will be a mess, it sounds like you need to escape from your sadness which is what this new friendship may bring. But don't get lost in it as your still grieving

Sorry for your loss OP.

Another here saying you just have to do what feels right for you. My wife passed away a couple of years ago (cancer) and I started seeing someone else less than two months later. It was someone I already knew and who had met my wife a couple of times.

She was just coming off a nasty divorce and we both just needed some fun. It never got emotional for me, more a FWB situation and was just what I needed at the time. My wife had been ill for quite a while before she died and it was just a horrible time.

We went on dates and just had fun. It ran its course and I ended it awhile ago, I’ve been single for a few months and now I’m contemplating OLD as I feel I may be ready for something more serious.

Your chap sounds very understanding and if he makes you feel good then don’t feel guilty about it. I have a daughter from my marriage and I firmly believe having that bit of fun has helped me cope and made me a better dad. My friends and family were very understanding although I didn’t tell MIL and FIL about the new woman as it wasn’t serious and I saw no reason to maybe upset them further.

good luck whatever you decide, there are no rights and wrongs here, just what is in your heart and head.

I think you answered your own question when you said 'it was complicated'. Grief is hugely complicated! One minute you think you're ok and the next you're in the depths of despair.

If it were me, I'd take it very, very slow and see what happens. There's no 'right' or 'wrong' way bur you should do it in a way that makes you comfortable.

Possibly a useful bit of insight..
I ended an abusive relationship 10 years ago I’ve remained single since. that’s what’s right for me A friend lost her partner suddenly 2 years ago. She’s recently met and developed a relationship with someone. It’s right for them and they are really happy. It’s who, also when is right for you.

Just to write from another perspective... I lost dh suddenly and tragically but as a result of a long illness.

I put a feeler out on a dating site after 7 months, frightened myself, then another after 9 months. I then spent a year seeing men casually for sex - none of them ever met ds, I usually went to other towns. It was like nothing I'd ever done before and I probably wouldn't do it again but it was so much fun. After years of caring and pain it was like fireworks going off.

I met dp on a different site about 3 years after losing dh and we have seen each other regularly since.

I really mean it when I say the rules should be only the ones that make sense for you and your dc. If you have met someone you like spending time with, enjoy. It doesn't have to be long term or meaningful or done with an eye to the future. Your dc don't have to be involved. If it feels wrong or like you are taking on responsibilities you're not ready for, stop. You are a grown up but that doesn't mean everything has to be dour and serious.