Not sure about guy from tinder

Ginandthings · 2022-08-21T15:12:30+00:00

Recently met up with new guy from tinder, 3 dates so far, the dates themselves are great, chat for hours and he’s really nice but I’m just not sure about him when we’re not together. So far he’s said that on txt I seem disinterested, that I txt like a friend and he seems to be pushing for more all the time. He also has a lot of drama with neighbours and his family but it doesn’t match with how he seems on dates. At the moment I’m wary as not sure if these are big red flags or I’m just being paranoid?

SoftwareDev · 21/08/2022 16:15

Life is too short. Trust your instincts ESPECIALLY when it comes to men.

girlmom21 · 21/08/2022 16:16

3 dates in and he wants you to be acting like more than a friend? You hardly even know each other and he's already trying to dictate how you behave and communicate. Red flag.

AmbushedByCake · 21/08/2022 16:17

Omg he's already moaning that you're not good enough for him. Ditch him quick, you'll never please him and he'll made you utterly miserable.

Dery · 21/08/2022 16:18

“3 dates in and he wants you to be acting like more than a friend? You hardly even know each other and he's already trying to dictate how you behave and communicate. Red flag.”

This. He’s already making a drama of how you communicate with him. I would steer clear.

DonutDoThat · 21/08/2022 16:20

Sounds like hard work already! I'd avoid.

Original poster

Ginandthings · 21/08/2022 16:23

Really glad you all don’t think it’s me being daft as I wasn’t sure if I was over reacting! It’s been things like he’ll text do I still want to meet up and apparently texting yes isn’t enthusiastic enough 🙄I will be running for the hills promptly 😂

OP posts:

somethinggotmestarted · 21/08/2022 16:44

So you've actually met someone on Tinder that you say is 'really nice' and you have 'great dates'... that's a pretty big deal in the world of OLD. Maybe don't be too hasty if you like him.

Can you give us a little more detail/examples? I don't know what 'texting like a friend' means.

girlmom21 · 21/08/2022 16:48

somethinggotmestarted · 21/08/2022 16:44

So you've actually met someone on Tinder that you say is 'really nice' and you have 'great dates'... that's a pretty big deal in the world of OLD. Maybe don't be too hasty if you like him.

Can you give us a little more detail/examples? I don't know what 'texting like a friend' means.

You don't have to put up with someone who makes you uncomfortable just because he's nicer than some other people on the same app.

AmbushedByCake · 21/08/2022 16:52

He's not 'really nice,^ he's inappropriately overbearing and demanding.

Cakecakecheese · 21/08/2022 17:01

Heeding the red flags now could save a lot of aggro later on.

Bluebells12 · 21/08/2022 17:20

3 dates in and already he’s criticising you? What an ass.

Run!

Original poster

Ginandthings · 21/08/2022 17:44

@somethinggotmestarted - it’s things like we’ll be chatting on txt during the day, he’ll say how tired he is and then are we still on for going out later, I’ll say yes if you still are (as he’s said he’s tired) and then I get a massive message about the fact I don’t actually seem bothered about meeting up. He said that because I sat opposite him in the pub it seemed like I wasn’t interested, that was our 2nd date! It’s just really odd and to me it’s red flags of someone rushing you into something, hence posting here to check it wasn’t just me as although he seems nice and funny it just feels a bit pushy.

OP posts:

Cakecakecheese · 21/08/2022 17:48

Ginandthings · 21/08/2022 17:44

@somethinggotmestarted - it’s things like we’ll be chatting on txt during the day, he’ll say how tired he is and then are we still on for going out later, I’ll say yes if you still are (as he’s said he’s tired) and then I get a massive message about the fact I don’t actually seem bothered about meeting up. He said that because I sat opposite him in the pub it seemed like I wasn’t interested, that was our 2nd date! It’s just really odd and to me it’s red flags of someone rushing you into something, hence posting here to check it wasn’t just me as although he seems nice and funny it just feels a bit pushy.

Run. If he's saying that now imagine the sorts of things he might say if you were in a relationship with him.

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 21/08/2022 17:51

It shouldn’t be this hard.

He has already got you second guessing yourself.

If you aren’t sure them that is enough of a reason to move on.

Dery · 21/08/2022 17:53

He isn’t nice. Nice people don’t make demands like this. Be glad he showed his true colours so soon.

crimsonlake · 21/08/2022 17:54

Reading also that he complained about you sitting opposite him on a date, rings bells with me. I had similar when meeting someone and actually basically anytime I am out with anyone prefer sitting opposite as we can chat face to face. Even more important on initial meet ups when dating as you can observe them better.
Anyway lack of interest was brought up as he was put out by my actions...tbh I am not going to start snuggling up to a complete stranger.
I did meet up with him a couple more times as sometimes I can be too quick to dismiss people, but something similar happened again. It did not progress for this reason, basically best advice is trust your gut, if something feels off it probably is.

Original poster

Ginandthings · 21/08/2022 17:58

@crimsonlake this exactly like that! And my gut is saying to run away but it’s just I’ve been out of dating for ages, have spotted a lot of strange people before even meeting them so it was am I being too quick to dismiss him. But apparently not!!
thanks everyone, going to send a thanks but no thanks message now.

OP posts:

AnuSTart · 21/08/2022 18:14

Women really need to learn to trust their instincts.
If you feel something is off, it is.

Send him a text saying, ' I'm not feeling it.'

I was thinking about how I would be the other way round if someone came across as disinterested and I DO KNOW that it would be more me being needy and grasping at things, which is not healthy. He may be emotionally unhealthy in which case, run!

Choconut · 21/08/2022 21:10

He sounds very controlling and hard work and it's only been three dates - imagine after 3 years!

somethinggotmestarted · 21/08/2022 21:54

Ginandthings · 21/08/2022 17:44

@somethinggotmestarted - it’s things like we’ll be chatting on txt during the day, he’ll say how tired he is and then are we still on for going out later, I’ll say yes if you still are (as he’s said he’s tired) and then I get a massive message about the fact I don’t actually seem bothered about meeting up. He said that because I sat opposite him in the pub it seemed like I wasn’t interested, that was our 2nd date! It’s just really odd and to me it’s red flags of someone rushing you into something, hence posting here to check it wasn’t just me as although he seems nice and funny it just feels a bit pushy.

Ah. I wanted to give the benefit of the doubt, having not fully understood the context from your op, but yep, you're right he doesn't sound like a keeper.

You're right to trust your gut.

hugefanofcheese · 21/08/2022 22:38

Trust me, you don't want a bloke who's picking fault at this early stage. There will always be something for him to criticise and it will probably get more personal.

And especially not if it seems he loves a good conflict all round. Next!!

Nextlevelnonsense · 21/08/2022 22:46

He rambles on about being tired, which isn't indicative of overwhelming interest?
Wow.

I wouldn't have even responded to his nonsense.

minticecreamisjustok · 21/08/2022 22:56

Red flag! find someone that enjoys you just as you are, it shouldn't be difficult to please someone.
I also had similar with a guy a last dated, said I wasn't enthusiastic enough when we met 😂 I just see them as an attention seeking type, too much hassle.

Fresh2022 · 21/08/2022 22:59

Man fuck online dating most men online are creeps meet them the normal way your gonna get the bunch of left overs x