Housework

[LM40]

Husband and I both work. He does more hours and thinks I should take on all housework / childcare. I do all the cooking, housework, running the kids about, take my youngest to speech therapy once a week so I’m missing work ( I’m self employed) washing/ folding clothes etc. It wouldn’t be so bad if I at least got a thank you but all he does is point out the things that haven’t been done and had a go thus morning because we r having roast pork tonight! ( he says we always have that) he was also annoyed as he has no clean boxers i told him his clothes Were folded and he just had to get them from the living room! Anyway I’m already feeling better after that vent ! Thanks for reading

He sounds delightful.

Have you had a conversation with him about the things you've just outlined here?

How long have you been married?

How are your finances organised?

What is your housing position? Rented - in whose name. Owned - again, in whose name?

We’ve been together 22 years. My salary goes on bills which doesn’t leave me with much left over. He earns more and puts more in I have no idea how much he has left over. We rent our house. I’ve spoken to him numerous times but nothing changes

Why is your salary mainly going on bills?. Do you have any idea of his salary along with the family finances?. Do you see bank statements?.

When was the last time you yourself had a haircut or brought your own self an item of clothing that was a bit more expensive than what you usually pay?. What would he have said about that purchase?. He's got it set up completely here to suit him.

Sorry for all the questions but he sounds controlling to me and controlling behaviour is rooted in abuse. Abuse is about power and control and he may well want absolute over you here.

I’ve spoken to him numerous times but nothing changes

Well, there's no real incentive for him to change. He has a free live-in housekeeper and cook. He takes all your money but has his own money left over. he has a great deal and he still isn't happy.

He is financially and emotionally abusing you to benefit himself. Work out a plan to escape.

Seems unreasonable.
However my partner works 3 days whilst I work 5, I would expect them to do family work on those 2 days and then when we're both home share equally what's left.
It doesn't work like that though and I do extra in the evenings ironing, tidying etc. My partner seems to do less each week, I'd rather they went to work FT.

Your housework should be divided up in proportion to your working hours. Your contributions to the household finances should be in proportion to your earnings. You really need to challenge the status quo, and if he won't, you should consider whether this is a marriage worth staying in.

Since has a house slave who pays to be there.

Wish I had one of those.