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AIBU about neighbour?

17 replies

Needmorecoffee2 · 21/08/2022 11:57

So next door but one is a lady who my partner has been friends with for years. They had a brief fling at one point too so it’s always irked me that they have physical history…and he knows it irks me.

she is constantly asking him for favours and to help her with “man jobs” like cutting a hedge and moving furniture etc
and yet he will never do any of our jobs around the house like fix the shower. He is a tradesman and his mates are tradesmen….so the jobs can easily be done!

if I tell him it upsets me that he jumps to help her and not me, he calls me crazy, says I’ve got low self esteem and not to worry about them having anything between them (I never accuse him of this or worry about it) and says I’m being ridiculous getting upset over him being nice and helping. I apparently cause loads of tension bringing it up and if I want help then I should ask.

I do ask. I’ve got a serious illness and a toddler. I struggle with getting on top of housework and we haven’t had a working shower for months, and the bathroom floor is a scrap of old carpet. He will spend his free time on his Xbox or smoking weed.

please tell me I’m not crazy, he is in the wrong? Or am I over reacting?

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Carrieonmywaywardsun · 21/08/2022 12:10

You are not crazy and I would be suspicious, especially as he isn't changing since you spoke to him about it. I'd say he's gaslighting you

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PetalParty · 21/08/2022 12:13

Is this a real question?

What does he contribute to your life apart from taking up space playing video games and getting high stinking up the place with illegal drugs? Does he smoke around your child?

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ClearestBlue · 21/08/2022 12:22

You are no crazy. He is at best a man child & at worse gaslighting you.

You deserve better than… He will spend his free time on his Xbox or smoking weed

What are you getting out of this relationship?

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Lotusflower16 · 21/08/2022 12:22

The neighbour is the least if your problems. His smoking weed and wasting time is the main one you should get rid of!

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ClearestBlue · 21/08/2022 12:23

New title ‘AIBU to expect my partner to be an actual partner’

the neighbour isn’t the problem here

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Onandupw · 21/08/2022 12:24

Cripes if it was me she’d be welcome to him.

work on your self esteem and realising that your life is not better having this loser in it

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HappyHamsters · 21/08/2022 12:28

Is this the man you want to spend the rest of your life with. He does bugger all to help, smokes weed, sits on his xbox, Does he have any good points.

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blockpavingismynightmare · 21/08/2022 12:34

I bet it's your house he is cocklodging in as well OP

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PiecesofFive · 21/08/2022 12:46

He's a selfish entitled twat.

If he won't do anything for you don't do anything for him.
Tell him his neighbour can cook tea for him.

But really he sounds dreadful and I should imagine he will never listen to your complaints.
He is of no use to you.

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PutinIsAWarCriminal · 21/08/2022 12:49

He will spend his free time on his Xbox or smoking weed. LTB.

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AgathaPastie · 21/08/2022 12:56

Ask her for a list of jobs for him, put the list in his packed bag and tell him to leave

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Needmorecoffee2 · 21/08/2022 12:59

Thank you everyone, I know reading it back it sounds obvious but he really has a knack of making me feel like I’m going mad or that I’ve got a problem. He used to smoke indoors but when I moved in he was nice enough to respect my wishes for him to do it in his shed in garden…so at least it’s not around our little one. He has tried to give it up a few times but I think he’s too weak to tbh

I’ve been in our room crying over this situation whilst he has all of a sudden shot around tidying up downstairs. He’ll say it’s because he’s being helpful but I know I’ll be made to feel guilty later that I didn’t do it myself.
it’s our daughter that makes me try to work things out as I come from a broken home myself but it’s starting to feel like a losing battle with things like this!

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Onandupw · 21/08/2022 13:02

It is much worse for your daughter to stay on this environment- you are teaching her what to expect in a relationship.

there is absolutely no shame whatsoever in being a single mother. Indeed, you would be showing strength and independence by leaving him - wonderful things to teach your daughter

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ClearestBlue · 21/08/2022 13:13

tidying up downstairs. He’ll say it’s because he’s being helpful

Seriously, why do women put up
with this nonsense? It’s not helpful to clean your own damn house. In the same way it’s not babysitting when it’s your own damn kids.

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Sloth66 · 21/08/2022 13:20

Well he doesn’t sound a nice man at all.
And I’d be suspicious, and angry at him prioritizing helping this woman, over you.
What does he bring to your life? And your daughters life? You wouldn’t want her to start thinking his behavior is acceptable?

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billy1966 · 21/08/2022 13:52

Get out.

He is awful.

Protect yourself and your child be making plans to get away.

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Brigante9 · 21/08/2022 15:20

Your daughter would be far better off without him in her life. What model of relationship is he demonstrating to her? A bloody awful one.

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