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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How should I react to the missing answer

12 replies

Tera113 · 21/08/2022 09:49

Hey there's a girl I've known for a long time. There was always mutual interest and we understood each other perfectly, but somehow we didn't end up on a date. Now we switched from writing to phoning and the connection became even stronger and I suggested that we should meet up in the near future . Then two weeks went by and all of a sudden she wrote me that it might be at short notice but she had time this weekend. Then I said ey cool that you thought of it, but I've been sick for the last two weeks and I would postpone the whole thing a little now. She texted me at 10 p.m. and I answered her half an hour later. At around 5 o'clock in the morning she wrote that she understood and then kindly wished me a speedy recovery.

When I woke up at 9 a.m. I asked how things were going for her next weekend.... 1 minute later she read it but no answer. a few hours later i added that if the weekend doesn't work out we can meet during the week and suggested a specific day. 1 minute later read but no reply so far. I didn't write anything after that, but it triggers me hard. How should I deal with the situation ? Experience has shown that addressing something like this has led to less interest, but it is very untypical behavior for her

OP posts:
ANUsernam · 21/08/2022 10:20

How long has it actually been since you messaged her? How frequently are you normally in contact?

Marineboy67 · 21/08/2022 10:28

You have to leave it now or it starts to look a bit needy. It's up to her now

FetchezLaVache · 21/08/2022 10:32

Well, to me this depends on whether a) you mentioned your illness at any point during the two weeks of intense text and phone contact and b) you say things like 'triggers me hard' in real life.

Tera113 · 21/08/2022 10:39

@ANUsernam It's not uncommon for us not to write for a while. The last time we had contact was a phone call before I got sick. But it is very unusual that someone writes something, it WILL be read, but there has been no reply.

OP posts:
Tera113 · 21/08/2022 10:42

@Marineboy67
Actually, she asked me on a date now, would that really come across as needy when I ask myself why there is no answer to my counter-proposal? Maybe not so directly but rather "hey want to ask if everything is fine with you because somehow nothing came from you anymore"

OP posts:
Tera113 · 21/08/2022 10:43

@FetchezLaVache
We didn't write the two weeks, so I didn't note it. I thought at first that she thought it was an excuse, but I immediately came up with a counter-proposal, which would actually speak against it

OP posts:
Tera113 · 21/08/2022 10:48

@ANUsernam

I wanted to add that it was all yesterday, so I didn't want to be annoying and I just waited a day to see if anything else came from her

OP posts:
Cherchezlaspice · 21/08/2022 10:54

I’m not sure I understand. You last messaged her yesterday and she still hasn’t responded?

Tera113 · 21/08/2022 11:00

@Cherchezlaspice Yes, exactly, I sent her these two suggestions yesterday and she has read both and has not yet responded

OP posts:
Justcallmebebes · 21/08/2022 11:05

You've sent her 2 messages now. Leave it for her to respond,

TBH, you sound a bit flaky. You spend time back and forth arranging to meet and when she comes back with a suggested time, you suddenly announce you've been sick for 2 weeks and can't make that time.

I'd probably bin you and move on too

Cherchezlaspice · 21/08/2022 11:09

Justcallmebebes · 21/08/2022 11:05

You've sent her 2 messages now. Leave it for her to respond,

TBH, you sound a bit flaky. You spend time back and forth arranging to meet and when she comes back with a suggested time, you suddenly announce you've been sick for 2 weeks and can't make that time.

I'd probably bin you and move on too

In that case, I think I agree with this. Sorry, OP.

ANUsernam · 21/08/2022 14:06

So it's normal for you to go two weeks without any contact but now she's not been in touch for a day and you're 'triggered'? Have I understood that correctly?
There's really not any situation to address at this point and if you react as if there is you're going to scare her off.

You need to leave it at least as long as it would normally be between contacts and then, if you've not heard from her, get in touch with a casual message, just noting that you haven't heard from her for a while and asking if everything's ok with her.

It is possible she's taken offence to you not being able to meet this weekend, but in that case she's the one with a problem and you're better off without her. More likely she's made alternative plans for the weekend and is just busy.

You say you've gone from writing to phone calls, have you ever even met her? You need to realise at the moment you're not in a relationship and she owes you nothing and you shouldn't over-invest in someone you barely know.

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