Irritable hubby

[jessielou1]

Hubby had these past few months been so miserable argumentative and moody at weekends when he's not working .
All through the week he is fine . Today he has spoken to me awful because k didn't agree with him . I felt belittled as tho because I don't agree I'm stupid and won't listen .
I keep saying he's different at weekends snd they are becoming a miserable time . I'm retired and spend a lot of time alone during the week and look forward to weekends . Am I being unreasonable here ? He makes me feel like he no longer enjoys being with me .
Advice welcome

Is he bored and restless? What's changed in the last few months?
Has he become depressed? Do you each plan nice things to do on the weekend, either together or separately?

Tell him to fix his fucking attitude or he can live elsewhere. He's being nasty and abusive and you shouldn't tolerate it.

He started a new job in January which he really enjoys . He just makes me feel he doesn't enjoy our weekends together .

We don't do something every weekend . I'm struggling at the minute with terrible anxiety and this all adds to my problems . Like today we've not spoken all day it's every weekend that's ruined

I'm wondering if there's another woman on the scene.

I've wondered the same

It's like he resents being at home now

I'm not surprised. What has made you wonder this, aside from the shit attitude?

Just the way he is at weekends and not just 1 weekend every weekend . He makes me feel like he's miserable at home and ihes irritable so we then end up arguing .

He also rings me sometimes and says wot you up to ? I wonder if he's checking where I am in case I call into his work in announced . AIBU and paranoid here ?

I think your gut is telling you something, and I think your husband is trying to make you leave him, which is a classic sign of cheating btw. He's such a coward that he wants you to be the "bad guy" and end the relationship.

His new job gives him something he is not getting at home. An ego boost or power trip or creative fulfilment perhaps. Any mentionitis or new found interest in grooming or fitness @jessielou1 ?

No no sudden fitness sessions or grooming going on .
I tried to talk again to him last night he says I just don't listen to him . But I do it was because I didn't Agee with him yesterday that's why he was pissed off . It's like I can't have an opinion it's his way or the highway !

This is all very well but who feels like doing all that for a partner being an arsehole. Being nasty doesn't exactly get you in the mood.

@notlongtoo is posting that same shite everywhere, ignore them OP.

@notlongtoo

your advice is terrible & it was on the other thread too.

I have a family member like this. They had worked hard all their life in a demanding career and it had become their priority. At weekends, as they got older, they only ever wanted to relax and have peace and quiet by themselves. However, they felt under pressure from family to do things and go places which caused resentment as they had been working all week and didn’t want to have to meet their family’s needs at weekends. They became short-tempered and irritable. Their job was tough, even more so as they got older, and they felt family didn’t understand their need for space at weekends.

If you are bored and lonely then focus on you and find hobbies, interests, friends, meet up groups where you can gain a support network and enjoy your retirement without relying on your husband. This is really important. It sounds as though you have retired before him so don’t depend on him for your enjoyment as he is in a different place to you.

If he sees you are going out, enjoying yourself independently of him his mood may well improve and he may want to join in. There is nothing more attractive than a person who is going about their life independently and making the most of opportunities regardless of what anyone else is doing.

At the very least you will be happier as you will have created a life for yourself and made connections. At the most it will improve your relationship.

Unlike some other posters on here I don't get the feeling there is another woman on the scene. It may be that he just wants to end the marriage but is too cowardly to do it himself (as one poster upthread suggested) but that doesn't explain his behaviour pattern entirely either.

I'm guessing from some of your comments that you are late middle age (you mention that you are retired) and it may just be the classic male mid life crisis. I've seen it in quite a few friends and it manifests itself in many different ways (dressing like a 25 year old, buying a motor bike, affairs) but generally stems from a feeling that life has passed you by, you haven't achieved much and what is my purpose for the next 20-30 years. If this is the case then he's probably brooding on it at the weekends and is irritable and unpleasant to you as part of his current situation.

I would talk to him along the lines of "something doesn't appear to be working as we disagree on so many things, can you tell me what you want so we can make things better for both of us and make plans for our future"

If he is still rude and dismissive then it's marriage counselling and then you have to consider whether you have a future together

I hope it works out for you

If he's happy enough during the week while he has work but miserable at the weekend then I'd say his home life is lacking something that he's getting from work.
Whether that's authority, attention, compliments or whatever, that's what I first thought.

Done good advice here . I don't want to believe there's another woman giving him attention that he likes . We don't always do stuff together we have a DD who is 26 and sometimes we go off out together and he stays home which he enjoys sometimes .
It's just always weekends tho he is different that is what frustrates me .
Perhaps he is jealous of the mum / daughter closeness I don't know . Perhaps he feels left out ?

@jessielou1 Have you been able to talk with him about it ie. “I’ve noticed that sometimes you seem unhappy at weekends. Is there anything that might help?” May at least initiate a conversation and, if it doesn’t, then at least he knows you have noticed and are willing to listen.

I would be very careful about jumping to any conclusions that he’s having an affair. It leads you down rabbit holes of suspicion which might be totally groundless and will distress you. Many people feel useful and important at work and impotent in their personal lives. Many people take their stress out on family rather than at work because they can. Maybe he feels he can’t talk to anyone because he doesn’t want to burden them with whatever it is going on. It may not be about you, it’s just you are in the firing line of his discontent because you are there. See if you can have a conversation.