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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Do I stay or do I go? Please I need a hand hold

14 replies

WhatHaveIdone22 · 20/08/2022 21:53

I've been with my DP for 14 years, we have 2 DC.

The past 14 years have been somewhat difficult and I know I should of left a long time ago.

DP was heavily addicted to drugs until 6 years ago. He got clean with a drug intervention team.

We had to uproot our entire life's - I didn't want to leave my family and friends but I did it for him, on the basis he stays clean.
I left my whole support network and I struggle to make new friends. I don't have a single person where we live.
He's never once sorted a babysitter out and said let's go out. We've been out as a couple once in 6 years for a hour.
I'm severely depressed over this, I need adult company. I CRAVE IT and I'm just at home with the DC all day, every damn day. I don't even know anyone to go out with and leave DC with him.

He has been clean up to this year and he's slowly getting back into the habit of it. First it was a one off, and now it's turning into a monthly thing.
He thinks I don't know when he comes back from being out - but I do.

I just can't do this again. I feel like my hearts already broken and I just have nothing left to give.

The problem is.
My family live very far away, and my DC have SEN needs. So it'll be very difficult for me just to up and leave with DC.
My eldest DC just got accepted into a SEN school. It is very difficult to move areas with a Sen child due to lack of school places.

So do I stay in a dead relationship for the sake of my child's needs and happiness? Or do I just say fuck it and leave? You only live once?

OP posts:
MadonnasKebab · 20/08/2022 22:27

Don’t look for excuses to stay look for a reason to go. You can uproot and leave and your kids will be ok. Won’t be easy. Do you want to be where you’ve been before in the relationship?

Darhon · 21/08/2022 09:28

Tell your family now and get support. He’s made his choice. Don’t expose your older kids to his addiction. It will be worse.

FangsForTheMemory · 21/08/2022 09:31

You leave, of course. You can’t bring your kids up in a house with an addict.

Newusernameaug · 21/08/2022 09:35

I’d move back to where your friends and family are - that’s what you’ll need around you

TwilightSkies · 21/08/2022 09:36

Yes leave. No brainer!

ZekeZeke · 21/08/2022 09:39

DP was heavily addicted to drugs until 6 years ago. He got clean with a drug intervention team

your partner IS a drug addict. You need to leave for your children.

tickticksnooze · 21/08/2022 09:47

There's no way staying in this benefits your children.

Leave. It might be difficult in the short term but you can overcome that.

blinder · 21/08/2022 09:57

Get out and get the kids out. No dilemma.

TeeBee · 21/08/2022 10:01

Jesus, of course you leave. How much of your happiness and the stability and happiness of your kids are you willing to sacrifice for one fucking bloke? Make it happen!

Glitterbiscuits · 21/08/2022 10:06

Go back to your family

oviraptor21 · 21/08/2022 10:42

Leave and go back to your family and friends. The school for your DC will be tricky but you will have the support of your family while you are sorting it out and you can start living a life for you at the same time.

Isittrueornot · 22/08/2022 09:25

Leave, it will be harder, but so much easier than staying!! You definitely know that to be true, you sound exhausted by him!

Fairislefandango · 22/08/2022 09:34

Of course you must leave! Your children deserve to be brought up in a home without a drug addict.

1985jf · 22/08/2022 09:37

Time to throw the towel in. Hes never going to change unfortunately. Hes shown you that. Move back to where you know and your family/friends will support you

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