Is this suspicious?

[howtocleanjustaboutanything]

I am thinking I may be way off here, and tbh I am a suspicious person generally. I worked in a male dominated environment for years and I saw the most unlikely men be unfaithful so often, I don't think anyone is immune to it given the 'right' circumstances. Have to say though, I don't accuse my DP or anything, I just am probably more suspicious than most.

Anyway.. DP (together 15 years, we have a DC and I have an older teen DC from previous who lives with us) walks his mum's dog for her every night. This has been for years because his mum is in quite bad health and goes to bed early and the dog needs out. He sometimes walks it during the day as well.

We live a few minutes from his mum so it's easy. It's on a route which me or DC may have reason to be walking down too - not likely, very occasionally - but we may have reason to walk there to go to a certain shop and my DC has a friend who lives there she would walk that way.

DP used to always make a point of how he hates all the connected-ness of technology and made a point of not bringing his phone whenever he was only going out for a short time.

Around 4 months ago he started bringing his phone when taking the dog out (it takes 15 mins and he never had brought it before) and started calling or texting me when he is out with the dog and keeps asking "what are you doing?" or "what are you / DC up to?" . It's literally most of the times he takes the dog out he will call and casually ask what we are up to.

Granted, often I will have just got in from work when he is out so he hasn't spoken to me all day, but it's just the change that is weird.

It feels a bit like he is calling to check up and make sure we are not going to be walking that route.

I don't know if I'm reading too much into this, but things haven't been great between us for about 8/9 months too. More arguments and a feeling of disconnect.

If you've got this far, I'd really like to know if you think I am just being paranoid or what?

I know I should ask to go with him, or go 'to the shop' or something. I did twice and nothing untoward, but that's over months and months.

@Thinkbiglittleone Yes I think I'm going to have to ask to come with him. I wouldn't say our relationship is awful, but there is definite disconnect recently. It's hard to describe - we still have sex, we still talk, still hug, but there are more arguments and just generally a feeling of things don't seem right and we seem to be avoiding each other a bit and sticking our heads in the sand at this disconnect.

@NeverDropYourMooncup He isn't drinking. Trust me, I'd know.

Yes I think I'm going to have to ask to come with him. I wouldn't say our relationship is awful, but there is definite disconnect recently. It's hard to describe - we still have sex, we still talk, still hug, but there are more arguments and just generally a feeling of things don't seem right and we seem to be avoiding each other a bit and sticking our heads in the sand at this disconnect

Maybe work out What are your arguments about and why they are more frequent, has something changed that maybe one resents.

What did you used to do when the kids stayed out, why don't you still don't that together,,Getting back into the habit of spending time together because you want to and enjoying that time together maybe key.

The more arguments/disconnect sometimes happens with married couples. Could be stress at work/health worried etc.
DH and I argue a lot. Sometimes months at a time, neither is unfaithful though. Usually because I’m hormonal (peri menopause) or stressed with work and 3 kids etc. later on I realise that I shouldn’t be taking my anger/frustration out on him, but it happens.
I also wouldn’t risk following him or turning up during the dog walk, especially since there doesn’t seem to be lots of signs that would scream possible affair.
Instead I would have a look at his laptop/phone etc. i know it’s wrong, but think it’s justified when you start questioning your relationship and suspect something is off.
I’m a bit extreme when it comes to paranoia, I would ask a friend or relative to follow him during his dog walks on a few occasions. Not saying it’s a good idea, but if you really want to find out then it’s a good way.

@howtocleanjustaboutanything

What about the mother of DC's friend?

"I don't think he calls or texts on his walk and asks what I am doing / what I am up to , when I am definitely at work and couldn't be anywhere nearby."

He is scared you might see/smell him if you are near home. Could he not be knocking back some booze on these trips?

@howtocleanjustaboutanything Maybe he's thinking you might have an affair and that's why he phones to check up on you/make sure you don't.

Or if he smokes and has given up booze, could he be having a crafty spliff?

It takes 15 minutes? Seems odd in itself.

@Thinkbiglittleone Nothing has changed, that's why it's so weird. We've had harder times in previous couple of years to this one, but maybe that's it - the goodwill that got us through has maybe run out. We used to love the time that his mum took our DC out - we'd do some gardening or have sex without anyone being in or just talk. Now that's only about 1 in 5 weeks, the rest of the time he just sleeps in. I suppose it's that common thing of why should I make the effort when he is not. I've expressed concern to him so many times this year about what is going on with us but he just sticks his head in the sand and says nothing is wrong.

@forthesakeofsanity I've never snooped on his laptop, but I do know where he keeps his list of passwords. Don't want to do that, but maybe I should.

I've no friends or family that would follow him.

@Marmitemother No, I don't even know DC's friend or her parents. We have a DC together and I have a DC who lives with us but she is a young adult and I only know she has a friend and her name and she lives in the street near where he walks the dog. I was just meaning it as a possible (but unlikely as it's not the best route) to why DC would be walking there.

@Geppili No, honestly, it's not that. He used to drink heavily and I'd always, always know if he'd even had one drink. His mum says the same. I gave up on commenting a long time ago and he eventually came to the realisation himself to stop. I don't mind cannabis use I don't see it as a problem in fact I was considering getting a prescription for it for a medical condition I have but trying other treatments first, and he knows that so it wouldn't be that.