Do I be easy breezy or a ball buster?

[Poopants1000]

I'm usually an easy going partner, but my DH has hurt me in the past and I wised up to certain things. It's been good for many years since but I now have a situation that I need to decide where I stand and feel comfortable with the decision and my reasoning but I'm struggling.
DH best mate cheated on his lovely pregnant wife, kicked her out and moved GF in, DH gets invited to drink with them and her mates, never an invite for me as I dont have childcare So off he goes for drinks galore and sitting in a house til early morning, with friend, GF and her mates (all late 20s, I'm late 30s) he will drink til he slurs.
We made an agreement that wasnt respectful of me, I now have some boundaries in my life and basically a bit of love for myself so said thanks but no thanks. He is now kicking off as he misses his mate. This friend is joined at the hip to GF so there's no getting away from her. I've asked him to invite him out to the pub but no, seems to be his house is the place to be.
I never wanted to be someone to restrict a partner and would HATE to be restricted myself but this doesnt feel good to me and I think I'm going to have a keep firm with this and risk us.
I am all for the importance of trust above all else but being experienced in this BS I now also know to value myself and quite honestly I've no problem with pubs, gigs events ect but all night getting pissed in someone's cosy living room just feels like a step too far to me. Maybe I'm wrong but it sure doesn't feel right

Seems to be he is happier being Ome Of The Lads than in a relationship if this is regular and despite you being unable to join him.

How old is he? Is he same as you, late 30s?

Seems like he wants to relive his youth. His best mate has got himself a young gf, so gets to hang out with younger people etc etc, and your DH obviously enjoys being a part of all that.

I mean what's the best mate like? Is he a bad influence? Does he encourage your DH to drink, or will he encourage him with any of his gf's friends?

If I was in my late 30s, and my partner wanted to constantly go out getting drunk with a bunch of people in their late 20s, I'd be calling it quits with him.

I've not spent any time with them during these weekends but considering how the relationship started I can only assume that no, the friend isnt a great influence. This feels like I am reprimanding a teenage child but honestly I'm just not ok with it!
I think the option is there for him to have time with his mate, he just would prefer a drinky lock in.
Hes usually a really good DH but on this we really butt heads

I'm not sure I have understood this correctly

is it the drinking or the mate? If he hung out with his friend and didn't get hammered, would that be okay?

I’d be disgusted by his closeness to a man who kicked out his lovely pregnant wife. I wouldn’t want DH hanging out with people like that, nor spending so much time without me, nor constantly drinking till early morning. Doesn’t this affect his work too?

I hope you can get this through to him. Some things need a compromise, but not this.

Is it because there’s other women there? Don’t you trust him?

You can tell a lot about someone by the company they keep…

OP, are you also ok for him to stipulate your social life also?

I’d be far more concerned about my partner wanting to remain friends with a man who, in your words, “kicked out” his pregnant partner and moved in his new gf. WTF?

Compared with this, the drinking is a non issue. The fact that your partner wants to remain friends with this piece of lowlife trash would make me want to walk away from him.

Be more selfish. You said you’d hate to be restricted - you are being restricted by him. He’s not behaving like a DH.

So, give him a taste of his own medicine. Leave him with the kids while you go out and have a jolly good time doing something that doesn’t involve him. Take a nice long weekend somewhere and leave him to pick up the pieces at home - just go, no discussion or permission from him (he doesn’t seek this from you), just inform him that he’ll be alone all weekend with the kids and you have yourself a wonderful time.

I hope the pregnant wife has seen a solicitor, he had no right to kick her out of the house.

How does your DH feel about his friend's behaviour?

“I’d be far more concerned about my partner wanting to remain friends with a man who, in your words, “kicked out” his pregnant partner and moved in his new gf. WTF?”

This. Your partner isn’t sounding very nice. If he’s off socialising every weekend instead of spending it with you, perhaps the relationship has run its course?

DH best mate cheated on his lovely pregnant wife, kicked her out and moved GF in

I would seriously be questioning a relationship with a bloke who still considers such a cunt his best mate, to the extent he regularly enjoys socialising with him and the woman he moved in by kicking out a pregnant.

My partner would be disgusted if a mate did that and thoroughly distance himself and phase him out.

I was in a similar situation myself just last year, DHs friend and gf very much out junior. Very toxic in their own relationship and it was destroying ours so I decided to become part of it because DH was acting like teenager again (at 48 years old!) Doing weed and staying out all night getting drunk at theirs, well we all got together for a weekend away and boy did that turn out nasty! Were still struggling to get past it, I'm now walking on eggshells with him and he's still in contact with them which feels like a right kick in the proverbial bollox, very disrespectful and leaving me with even worse anxiety, depression and other MH problems yet he thinks I'm making it all up.