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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Work colleague keeps contacting me!

4 replies

Spidey66 · 20/08/2022 19:57

I have this work colleague (S). She means well, but tbh I find her irritating. She lives near me, and seems to think we should be friends because of this. She often wants to share ubers home if we go to the pub which I've done but last time she was a bit drunk, took ages to leave the pub for the car, demanding the cabbie stop the car for some water then when she drunk it, brought it all up which I was embarrassed about. We had a bbq at work and I slipped out at 10.30 to go by train as tbh didn't fancy sharing again.😳

She's forever collecting at work for people leaving, babies etc. A few months ago, she was collecting for someone. Well last autumn I was off sick for 3.5 months after I fell off my bike and broke my shoulder and after this collection I admitted I'd been quite hurt noone had contacted me or sent me a card while I was off sick. She said "I did, I sent you a couple of texts!" Yes and least one of them was "hi spidey, hope you're OK, A's leaving, here's my bank account details to send money for her collection."

Anyway I think this is playing on her mind and I wish now I'd never said anything.....be careful what you wish for and all that!

A close friend of mine was taken into hospital recently and I mentioned to her he was very ill. This week Tuesday I came into work and when I looked at my phone to get messages saying he'd died. So obviously I was thrown by that and was a bit off. She came into ask about something I'd been working on and some of the information was recorded in a part of the notes I hadn't expected and I admitted I snapped at her. I immediately apologised, explained my friend had just died and I was out of sorts as a result.

But now she won't leave me alone! She keeps sending me texts to see if I'm OK. I work Mondays to Thursdays, Thursday gone I was wfh and she sent a text asking for my address because she wanted to one round. I asked why, she said she just wanted to see me, but I said "you only saw me yesterday!" She then laid off the texts but today there's been a load of missed calls, voicemail and a text saying she's something to give me, and again asking for my address. I lied and said I'd been out all day, only just looked at my phone, nice of her to think of me, can it hang on till Monday? Apparently it can't....

Thing is she's very religious which I respect but I'm not, in fact I'm quite anti religion as was the friend who died. I suspect its some kind of religious card or artefact which will likely end in the bin.

She'll probably think she's being supportive especially if she feels bad that I didn't feel supportive when I was sick. Thing is then I was away from work, now I'm not, I'm going into work as normal. When I broke my arm I was in a hell of a lot of pain, felt isolated not being at work, and did feel low enough in mood I ended on antidepressants (had been on them before). However, while obviously I'm sad about my friend, I'm quite pragmatic about it. I saw him in hospital the day before he died and it was horrible, and I'm relieved he's no longer suffering. I've got my husband and mutual friends of the friend who died, and I'm confident I can get through this fine. But the colleague can't get seem to get the hint that while I'm fine with platitudes during work hours, I don't want her to know my address or come round my house! But while I don't want to be friends outside work her hearts in the right place and I have to work with her!

So....do I give her my address?

OP posts:
Horsemad · 20/08/2022 20:32

Block her!

Spidey66 · 20/08/2022 20:44

I think I'm going to have to...I've already had words with her because she rang me on my personal phone on a Friday when I don't work about a work matter (a collection for someone I liked less than her!) and told her I didn't want her ringing me on my personal phone about work matters and I keep my work phone turned off outside work hours. I think I gave her my personal number when we were arranging a Christmas do.

I've since caved in, told her she can pop round 11am but was busy the rest of the day. Then she's being blocked!

OP posts:
Crazykefir · 20/08/2022 20:50

Is she from the same cultural background as you op. In some cultures it's the norm to check in when people are grieving, white british not so much.

Spidey66 · 20/08/2022 21:28

She's Black British (African). I'm White British (Irish background). I think her religious beliefs have a lot to do with it. She's a member of a Christian group (not a mainstream one like RC, CofE or Baptist but a more splintered one that has had its share of controversies over the years-not JW). We have had to disagree about religion before. She refused for a long time to get a covid jab stating "allergies" which I felt was an excuse and was to do with her religion. She finally had the 1st jab because we work in health and social care and she was told she had to. Then of course the guidelines changed and I don't think she's had the second or booster. She said her "allergies" had been cured through faith. So I think this is to do with religion, but as I said I'm polar opposite when it comes to religion, which she knows.

OP posts:
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