Friend

[Gls199]

Hi all,

Need some advice.

I met my friend 5 years ago at work. We become really close friends. I see her like a sister.

Recently , this is what I have noticed and feel a bit sad.

I’m always messaging first. Days where I don’t message she never messages or only messages if she needs something.

I ask her how her day is going and doesn’t tell me what she is doing. She just replies with she is well. She just asks me how I am and that’s it. Before we used to update each other with what we are doing / going. And meet up.

I hear her share things with others at work place - places she has been etc , celebrations and I am thinking why she never told me.

Even if I check up on her I feel there is no point because the replies are very short. I feel like it’s one sided.

I don’t know if this is a sign the friendship is coming to an end? or am I asking for too much?

I would find it suffocating to have a friend who messaged every day, or even every few days - maybe it is that? She has had to pull away a bit because it is too much? I know other people would think that is fine though.

You shouldn’t be always messaging first, as that hasn’t let things settle to the natural amount between you - maybe you haven’t picked up on that boundary and she has retreated even more.

I’ve got a very long term friend, like a sister, who I absolutely adore but I would hate to feel obliged to exchange messages every day with her.

I would back off to her pace for a bit and see if the friendship can be saved.

I never offer a window on my world unless family or friend offer me a window on theirs.
Sometimes it takes a little while to recognise the one way street but when I do I reciprocate similarly.
Works for me.

I think this is a likely explanation. I have friends of several decades whom I adore and am close to, but wouldn’t dream of looking for substantive daily ‘updates’ of what they’ve been doing, especially if I also saw them at work!

“I think this is a likely explanation. I have friends of several decades whom I adore and am close to, but wouldn’t dream of looking for substantive daily ‘updates’ of what they’ve been doing, especially if I also saw them at work!”

Seconding this. I have some dear friends and we catch up pretty regularly but every day or even every few days - that would be way too intense. That is demanding too much time and attention from her.

I think she's sending you a clear message: your level of communication is excessive and she's pulling away

I think daily messages expecting to know all the ins and outs of their life, is overkill.
No offence I'm sure you're just being friendly - but I had a friend do it to me once, messaged me all day every day even when we ran out of things to talk about and I just had to distance myself from her.
We're still friends - just more on my terms now.

You're probably rubbing the wrong way with the constant messages. Step back. Give her some room to breathe, to miss you. But also distract yourself so you're not fixated on the situation.