Has anyone stayed in what they know is an emotionally abusive relationship?

[Baabaahblacksheep]

Because even though they know the way they are being treated is wrong, for the moment it suits them more than leaving?

What do you mean by ‘it suits them’?

Is it just this one person we’re talking about, or are there kids involved, of any ages?

How can it suit you?

I stayed hoping things would change, and for fear of having to start from scratch with dating, ans because the good times outweighed the bad. Not because it suited me as such.

I would still take him back in a heartbeat if he’d have me. As I was right about dating, it’s shit. And I miss the good times more than I hated the bad times.

I'm reading a really good book at the moment about EA relationships. It's only just come out. It's by Rebecca Humphries about her relationship with comedian Sean Walsh. He cheated on her when he was doing Strictly back in 2018. The book is called 'Why I stayed' or something like that. I'm flying through it. Lots that I recognise from my EA relationship which thankfully ended over four years ago.

I suppose that I feel like yes I know the bad is bad. But the good is so good and far outweighs the bad times. Plus at the moment life is messy and complicated and it doesn’t feel like the right time to try and detangle our lives.

Also, the things he does just wash over me at this point. I think his behaviour is ridiculous but I’m not upset by it. I feel sorry for him that he feels like winning an argument is so important.

Yes, because other than my husband my life was "good" and my kids were happy. 7 years later and he crossed a line and I "had" to leave him for the sake of the kids, and not just me. The relief was immense. Now I can believe what I put up with.

There might come a time that it's suddenly right and then it will be right to go and it will all be for the best. But for ages it was just too big a thing to do, and the upset outweighed the benefits.

Yes I think that’s where I am. The upside of staying outweighs the downside of leaving is a perfect way of putting it. I just feel really weird about it. Like I should want to leave more than I do? I’m fully aware I might need to leave at some point and will be willing to do so if I have to.

It's not forever, just might need to be the right now. But if you're not ok, it's ok to leave x

Honestly I thought I'd stay until the kids were gone and I'd retired. They are 4 and 6 and I'm in the middle of work related studies!! It might just happen one day. Until then you're not doing anything wrong x

You might not be ready yet. It can take time, weeks, months, years. You might never be ready. Only advice is to start preparing everything you need for leaving (savings, paperwork) so when you feel ready you can just go.

The long lasting abuse trauma isn't worth staying for....
I stayed for way too long and it fucked me up!

Awww
For me though the thing that tipped it was watching DD make excuses for her friends treating her badly. For some reason I'd accept it for me but not for her.
Do you want your DD to think that's how people who love you should behave?

I thought I could compartmentalise it because I thought it wasn't that bad and I couldn't afford to leave.
I was wrong on both accounts, but it took leaving you realise this

Yes, for years. I couldn't stand to not be with my children and I didn't believe them to be safe with him. I stayed too long though as I ended up having a total breakdown and I have never really been the same since.

I really hope you are my ex H new wife beginning to see the light. If you are, you are lovely and deserve much much more.
Escape when you can

When I was much younger ( though still in my 40s) I had a ten year relationship with someone who was frequently physically unfaithful. I didn't (and still dont) think it was emotional abuse. I always took care of my own sexual health, and I really didn't care if he was faithful or not. It just wasn't important to me. I liked his company and the sex. I didn't want a long term relationship with him (shudderes).

I eventually got fed up.of him (not funny any more, sex wasn't TH AT good 😁) and he got offended by the fact that I didn't care that he wasn't physically faithful. So we parted company.

Is that the kind of thing you were thinking of, opening poster?

Yes. Can’t believe I’m that woman.

Yep I did, because I had very little self esteem and there was "good parts". Eventually I kicked him out after finding out he had cheated on me multiple times, and I never looked back. Now Im with an amazing partner who gives back the same energy I put out ❤️

Did he cheat as in a proper affair? Or is she talking about snogging Katya? Not that that was excusable.

No. It's a toxic situation and models hideous behaviour to DC; boys will behave that way towards future partners, girls will accept similar behaviour from future partners as that's her normal.

And he was abusive?