Thoughts on a lack of physical/emotional intimacy ending a relationship.

[Lostandconfused27]

Bear with me, this might be a bit long. 27 year old female, 27 year old male partner.

I broke up with my partner of 7 years about a month ago. We still are navigating moving out from each other due to his job search not going well, so for the moment we're still living together (I hope this will change soon and he will move out, which is the plan)

We were a great couple in so many ways, very supportive of each other, work together on the house, got on really well (best friends).

The last few years he lost all of his confidence due to losing his job and then getting a ridiculously stressful one. This took a toll on our sex life, to the point where I was lucky if we were having it once per month. And this was with asking. To be fair to him, he did go to the doctors but it turned out his testosterone levels were normal. We did use viagra for a bit but I just didn't get the impression he really wanted to / enjoyed sex anymore.

The other thing that was lacking was emotional intimacy. He has an avoidant attachment style due to his past, and I am very open with my emotions / my life. He really struggled to ve open with me and talk to me about his redundancy / job search, and for the last years it ate away at our relationship.

So after many talks and him going to therapy and nothing working, i decided to breakup with him. I'm wobbling this morning, so want to get some opinions on whether this is a good decision, and if everything I want is actually out there!

I think you should stick to your guns. He won’t change and he can’t give you what you need. You’re probably best off having some time to yourself. You’re only young!

My STBXH was like this. Begged him to seek help and make changes but he wouldn’t. We had both said we wanted another DC, but he wouldn’t have sex with me..kind of essential! Things got worse, the more I tried, the more he withdrew until in the end, I said we needed to separate. 3 months after we separated, he met someone else..made the changes he wouldn’t make for me. I doubt the changes will last but it just affirmed that I made the right decision in ending our marriage. Don’t waste your life waiting for this man to change!

I’m sure he will find someone more suitable as well

You've made the right choice. I'm in this situ but pregnant. We will art ways, but I can't face it quite yet.

Definitely the right choice...at 27 you are both far too young to have a sexless relationship. I've been there, I was a decade older than you and married ... I warned my then husband that if he wasn't willing to do what was necessary (a simple operation) so we could have a full sex life I would look elsewhere. He wouldn't do it, so I did, and I left him. We'd been together for a total of 15 years but I've never regretted my decision to leave.

You met at 20 and both have grown up and changed since then. And what worked at the beginning stopped working.
Life is long. If you can’t imagine being with him in this relationship for another 30-40-50 years - you have made the right decision.

Of course you’ll be having wobbles. You have spent 7 years together and are used to each other. So let’s hope he moves out quickly.

I think it’s very rare to meet a partner that will suit you for life when you are 20.

So - good luck! You are only 27, and now know yourself better. So you can and will meet someone who will be able to give you what you need.