What would you do....???

[jabbajabba1]

I am 35 and engaged to a partner of 3 years. We’ve been going through a rough patch recently. But prior to that were happy. We’re looking at buying a house and starting to have kids. But he quit his job early last year (the rough patch) and he’s now doing some contract work. But struggles to save on the salary. And so the savings for all these things are almost 100% mine.

He says that he’s trying to get things together. But gets very defensive if I ask how things are coming along. And just doesn’t show any responsibility with anything practical outside of this either.

I’m scared if we had kids it would be more pressure on me to provide and do everything at home.. But I’m also scared if I leave.. then I’m saying goodbye to the chance of having children.

I would love to know honestly, what you would do if you were me…

are you financially secure enough to manage on your own?
how badly do you want children?

For now, I'm financially secure enough to manage without him. Well I'm supporting him more than anything.

I do really want children.

Just feel screwed either way right now.

I don’t think this man is your only chance to have children?

I wouldn't inflict such a father on a child.

He sounds like a liability rather than an equal partner.

You need a decent man as a father to your child so this rules out your current partner. Why did he quit his job last year?.

Would he actually expect you to give this child his surname as well?. Do not bring a child into this relationship.

Women are having children much later in life so he is not your only chance. Don't settle!

It'll only get worse if you have children with him. You only have one chance to pick a good father for your children. This man isn't the right person.

Children will absolutely destroy whatever is left of this relationship, and you'll be tied to a man who will contribute nothing to either their or your lives. Don't do it! Better to go it alone than to be tied to someone like this.

Fuck that.

The reason I had babies with baby daddy frozen 'you look after the babies I'll take care of everything else'

Bit more to it than that but that is how we started off in our 30s anything less, substandard.

Financially to add, I had deposit he had mortgage. Teamwork. It can't just be one doing it all it will never be happy or worth it.

I tried pushing elephants uphill and it didn't work.

I think he's not good enough. You're young enough to find better. I'd say it isnt a rough patch either, it's more the shine has worn off. This is who he is. Do better or you'll kick yourself xx

Does he have potential to develop the contract, or is he just coasting? Has he any plans going forward?

until you know what his intentions are, I would hold of any commitment.

Also, three years is a long time to be engaged without getting wed. Why haven’t you got married yet?

He has kept the contract. And does have a business idea. But gets defensive when I try to help, and I don't really understand it/ how it would actually work without huge investment.

We've been together 3 years, engaged for 2 with no plans for marriage, as he's been through a tough time.

Starting over at 35 sounds really scary and lonely.