Wondering if my marriage is at the end of the road. Been married nearly 3 years. He lived overseas and we did the long distance thing before getting married abroad and him moving here . He has ASD and it has always been a difficult relationship with lots of communication issues. His moods are awful, at times he barely speaks to me unless he wants to discuss/rant about something. Spends a lot of time alone on his computer etc. He can be funny at times and is an interesting person but often his humour is very childish. He doesn't help in the house much. He goes on massive angry, swearing rants about often stupid issues and that stresses me out. He also has really irritating random quirks and habits that are difficult to live with. He can shut down and meltdown too when he's really stressed or things happen which although it doesn't happen often is awful. When this happens he deletes social media or blocks me on it.
I bought a small house, we have no children. We both work full time, he makes over £70k and I'm on under 25k. The mortgage is in my name, he pays me £300 a month towards bills. Before we married I'd said he didn't need to pay anything towards the mortgage (of my then flat) as he has a house in his home country which his mother lives in and he pays that mortgage. £300 isn't much though really and he isn't especially frugal, he likes his tech. We always get takeaways (I don't bother when he's away) and he likes to be warm so keeps the heating on quite a bit and gets grumpy if I mention costs. I do all the driving as he's not bothered to get a UK licence. I also don't think that he's bothered sorting out any will stuff or health insurance to include me. He did type up something but it wasn't official and basically wanted the majority to go to his mother and child from his previous marriage and I'd get what's left. But it was just in an email, we were advised to sort out a proper will when I bought the house but it's not happened. He's not sorted a join bank account either, I wanted a small amount to be added just to cover different things (and for visa proof of relationship) but he went in a mood and said he'd add me to his online bank account, I don't think that happened though as I never heard anything else about it.
He is currently overseas and we're both wondering if he'll end up staying there this time. He worries a lot about his mother, she's already had one health scare since he's been here. I think that's been a huge cause of anxiety for him. I also think she plays on this and wants him (or us) to live there and "look after" her.
I'm quite enjoying it being just me at home not having to deal with his stuff but he's due back next month. We talk every day but he had a massive rant about something and it really shook me up. It's like things build up and he has no control over his emotions. It provokes a trauma response in me, I can't deal with it. My MIL always says he just wants someone to listen. But I hate getting yelled at, even if it's just over text.
I think the main thing I'm worried about is the bills going up to amounts I can't afford if we split, whereas if I stay with him it would be affordable still. But I'm so stressed and on edge, get pains which I think are related. Currently I'm paying just over £150 for energy, which has gone up from around £90 a month. Since he's been away I haven't used much. I try to be careful. I know that council tax would come down for one person but what about these £4k bills I'm hearing about, is it really going to come to that? I was on my own for years and managed but there was nothing like this facing us now.
I'm also worried about letting people down when I was warned time and again about red flags and stuff. But I continued, I think I'm like a dog with a bone at times. I wanted to give it a chance. People gave us money,after we married: friends family and my work. I didn't want it but they were kind and generous anyway. So I feel guilty about that. I know very few people who are divorced, everyone else seems to be in good marriages and things work out. I don't think I'll have another relationship after this, I've never been popular with men but part of me doesn't care because I'm obviously crap at choosing anyway.
I'm also having to remortgage the house as my fixed deal is up this year and that's playing on my mind because what if they turn round and say no? because of the rising cost of living or something else, I'm not sure.
Everything is such a mess, I just feel like running away.