When does dating turn into bf/gf?

[Namechangedforthis12456]

This might be long and trivial. I know there are people with real problems on this board but I need to vent.

I've been dating this guy for around seven weeks so really early days. We’ve both agreed that it’s exclusive and we are only dating each other. I really like him but I’m finding him quite difficult to read.

A week or so back I broached the subject of what do I call him. Is he the guy I’m seeing or can I call him a boyfriend. I guess in my head I was hoping he’d say the latter but it was obvious that he really struggled with the conversation and wanted to go with the former. He has his reasons which I accepted at the time but I can’t deny I wasn’t disappointed.

Anyway, I saw him a few days ago and he referred to me in conversation as his girlfriend. I didn’t say anything but it bugged me. I felt like we just talked about this, he knew I wanted it and him saying it just felt mean.

Theres other things that are starting to niggle me as well. He’s extremely blunt over text. Sometimes I think I must have killed his favourite puppy by the responses I get. Yet often he will phone ten minutes later and he’s happy as Larry. I’m the kind of person who likes sending cute messages (I have a feeling this won’t go down well here) and I feel a bit sad that it probably won’t happen with him.

I know the logical answer is he just isn’t really into me but in person he’s completely different. This is going to sound big headed but sometimes I swear he’s falling in love as cheesy as that is to write. It’s hard to explain but I can feel it. It’s like in person he can’t do enough for me even if those things risk big things… he’s nearly risked his job several times now to help me. I never asked. I didn’t even realise until after! He remembers small details, he’s attentive, I feel like he’s genuinely there for me and not just after sex. He’s broached the topic of whether I’d be willing to move in with him in the future. Yet I still feel confused. Like something feels off in my gut but I have no reason to doubt him.

I’m an abrupt texter. It isn’t inducative of my feelings for people!

You aren’t being properly you. When he referred to you as his girlfriend, why didn’t you later ask him about it? If you can’t communicate your real feelings, then that’s a problem. I know it’s early days and you don’t want to wear your heart on your sleeve too much. But you do need to be yourself,

Why does it matter what he says you can call him? Presumably you don’t refer to him as “boyfriend” when you talk to him, and how you talk about him to other people is up to you. Stop placing so much importance on labels and whether or not he uses emojis and kisses in his text messages and concentrate on whether he’s a good person who treats you well and makes you happy or not.

What? He’s risked his job for someone he’s know seven weeks but doesn’t want her to call him bf. Oh God woman! This has messy disaster written all over it.

The level of immaturity on display from both parties is concerning.

It’s like in person he can’t do enough for me even if those things risk big things… he’s nearly risked his job several times now to help me. I never asked. I didn’t even realise until after!

Erm, just based off that, he doesn't seem very emotionally stable tbh! That's pretty intense. If he gets uncomfortable talking about bf-gf but then does these extremely OTT things, I'd worry he hasn't found healthy ways of expressing emotion. I wouldn't want grand gestures to be the only way someone showed love - the little things matter too, consistency matters. Also how someone feels about you when you're not in front of them is key. Some people can only be switched on/attentive the few times they see you but out of sight is out of mind - so the relationship never progresses beyond a point.

I do think communication style is an important indicator of compatibility and texting is a huge part of communication. But if he doesn't know what you like in terms of texting etc, he doesn't have a chance to do it. Maybe try telling him what you like or asking why comes across so abrupt? Maybe he doesn't see it the way you do. If you can have an honest chat about relationship status and what you both like/dislike for comms, then you know you have a good connection. If not, something is missing.

@Namechangedforthis12456 , do not ignore your gut.
I agree with pp you are not being yourself with this person, that is not a good sign. I totally get your post having had similar experiences.
You need to discuss with him and that discussion will help clarify your thoughts/feelings about the situation.
Labels in relationships are important. They clarify situations and expectations. And they lend assurance and security to one's investment in the relationship.
I would not be in a hurry to commit yourself to this relationship, op. I would take it slow if I were in your shoes.
All the best.

I'm going to bite on this, as I was in a similar position to your bf.

As many say on other threads - and as you say yourself - seven weeks is very early days. Its probably as simple as him being thrown and not wanting to rush things for fear it'll jinx it. When the question came up for me, it actually surprised me how much I was thrown by it. It wasn't that I didn't want to be my partner's bf. It was more it represented a significant shift to "official" to me which, at that early a stage, I wasn't sure felt that comfortable - that it felt forced. It's more likely he's calling you gf now, because hes had time to reflect and feel at ease with it and/or picked up how much it means to you and so is showing willing now in using the term.

In terms of terseness in messages - we're aways told at work to pick up the phone as text-only convos have a tendency of being misread or interpreted as being more officious, given the lack of visual and audible input, than they might be intended. Some people may also often avoid using emojis (especially blokes) as they think it'll make them look fluffy. Men are still sold that they have to be stoic and in control and masculine, so especially in the early days, laying on the emojis might be seen as risking turning someone off.

Basically, raise the subject and talk about it.

I don't think this is a good sign, if he wanted you to be his girlfriend and proud, he would of jumped at the chance.
Just from experience, men that have hesitated about what I am to them have never worked out in a relationship.