Feeling depressed

[LaurenSE]

Hi,
Im not really sure why im posting. Maybe for clarity that im not insane? Advice would be appreciated.

For background....
I have been with my boyfriend for 7 months. In this time we have only ever had 1 night apart. We both have separate houses. Mine is owned, his is rented with 1 other person.

I am an introvert at heart and i ask for space when i dont think i should have to ask as it is my home. When i do say id like space he says that its because i dont love him or dont want to be around him. I just want a night on my own is that too much to ask.

I have asked him for space on a number of occasions and he doesn't leave my house just goes for a few hours then comes back.

He has moved clothes into mine which im not happy about as it is my home. I dont think im enjoying this relationship as it feels rushed. He wants me to sell my house so we can get some thing together, but he has no money, no savings and no deposit. He is terrible with money.

Thanks for listening x

Just to add to what others have said, please don't be fooled if he has a kind, gentle naure. He might just be very needy which is equally bad in a partner, in my opinion. People can be selfish and still have good manners!

I think we often think that cocklodgers are rude bastarda, so when a soft-mannered one comes along, we don't recognise him.

Taking from experience 🙄.

I don't think you are compatible. Only 7 months and he won't give you any space? Moved in basically and doesn't contribute to bills? What are you getting out of this relationship? Lots of introverted men out there who love their space too, think someone like that would be a better fit. This one doesn't even listen to you!

I am going to speak with him tonight. This cannot carry on. I am sick to death of putting my feelings behind everyone elses.

To be honest the start of our relationship wasn't great. Lots of lies and deception on his part regarding other women including his ex. I finished with him but he begged me to take him back and so i did, and since then i have been unhappy as i know i can do so much better

Then be firm and finish it off. Try to keep the conversation relatively short and to the point.

I think you need to use the words "I don't love you". That's ultimately true, isn't it, andno coming back from that. If you start explaining what you don't like about the relationship,you'll give him the opportunity to negotiate with you, and I don't think you want that.

You need to get the locks changed. He could have a copy of those keys.

It’s difficult when you’ve had bad real-life role models but you’re clearly very alive to the issues. Looks like he had the same shit role models. Get your relative over, change the locks, bag up his stuff and get him gone. Good luck, Op.

And yes - don’t explain - don’t give him a chance to negotiate. If you can, just say - I don’t love you and I don’t want to be with you.

OP, I have been through this and I know how hard it is. Independent woman who always pays for herself and looks after herself. Man who seems reliable and caring and wants to be with you. But is actually a fullscale cocklodger who is at your place much more than you'd expected and sponges off you. Ooops, he's lost his job. Ooops again, he's had to leave his flat and move in with you, just for a while, just for a while longer...... But he absolutely adores you, may be an demanding controlling prick but can't live without you.

The trouble is, if you're kind it's hard to push them out. But you have to. They're not kind to you. They're only looking for a comfortable life at someone else's expense.

Just say this isn't working for me. I want my own space. Goodbye.

Good luck, OP. I spent far too long letting him keep coming back even though he was crushing me. When I finally broke out I felt as if I'd escaped from a cage.

OP, you sound switched on.

Let him know you don't want to be in a relationship right now and so unfortunately it's over.
Don't get drawn into a conversation. "It's not you it's me, there's nothing further to discuss... etc"
Have any stuff he's left at yours already bagged up near the front door and hand it to him.
Ask for any keys he has to your property back please.
Wish him well for the future and say it's time to leave and goodbye.
Have a friend or family member round.
Then block him so he can't contact you.

And then it's done. 😊

And remember - he’s not a good man. A good man wouldn’t behave like this. There are ways to abuse people which don’t involve shouting at them or hitting them. He is abusing you.

Good luck, OP. Keep posting here for support if you need it.