I've been living with my partner of 5 years for a year now and since we've moved in together he has accused me of cheating on him. The verbal abuse started when he hacked into my social media and saw messages with guys I've spoken to only when he would break up with me every few months just so he can be with other people. He messaged these guys and they all lied about me and I know it's because they couldn't get what they actually wanted from me. I don't think I've done anything wrong by speaking to a couple of people when I was single.
We have a 2 month old son now and since I've given birth, the verbal abuse is something I have to go through every day. I’ve suffered from depression/anxiety for 10 years now because of the same kind of abuse I got from my brother back at home and now being in the same kind of environment hurts a lot as I thought I've finally escaped it. I feel sooo guilty that my son has to feel all these negative feelings from us especially from me and hearing all the shouting every day.
He works 4 days a week and the days he has off I always dread it! He provokes me 24/7 (which he has told me he enjoys doing), he touches me (mainly my bum) when I tell him to stop, he curses at my cat/throws slippers at her when she's in heat and meows too much just to hurt me knowing how much I love animals and makes me feel guilty for getting angry at him, keeps asking me to have sex with him and again makes me feel guilty when I keep saying no and threatens to take my son away from me. After his done annoying me he comes into the room I’m in and tells me he loves me and acts all nice just to go crazy on me again when I tell him to leave me alone.
I'm not sure if any of you heard of a podcaster named Andrew Tate but since he started watching him every day and agrees with everything he says things have gotten worse. He would show me his videos and would argue with me if I don't agree with him as if I can’t have my own opinions.. I feel harassed in my own home and me going against him by saying no and pushing him away just makes him curse at me even more and now I’m starting to think he wants to have power over me and I’m scared that I will give in.
I’m physically and emotionally drained and I know I should leave but I’m finding it really hard. I feel as if because I’ve been through years of abuse already that I can handle it again but he is breaking me down and making me feel like the old me with no confidence to leave. I don’t even feel like leaving the house anymore and when I do go out my anxiety gets really bad.. I have ended up in hospital twice for attempted suicide which was a while back and I keep worrying that he'll use this and my traumas against me to say I'm not a fit mother and that would kill me. I just have a lot of worries about leaving right now..