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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Struggling to leave emotionally abusive partner

5 replies

Mars5 · 19/08/2022 04:40

I've been living with my partner of 5 years for a year now and since we've moved in together he has accused me of cheating on him. The verbal abuse started when he hacked into my social media and saw messages with guys I've spoken to only when he would break up with me every few months just so he can be with other people. He messaged these guys and they all lied about me and I know it's because they couldn't get what they actually wanted from me. I don't think I've done anything wrong by speaking to a couple of people when I was single.

We have a 2 month old son now and since I've given birth, the verbal abuse is something I have to go through every day. I’ve suffered from depression/anxiety for 10 years now because of the same kind of abuse I got from my brother back at home and now being in the same kind of environment hurts a lot as I thought I've finally escaped it. I feel sooo guilty that my son has to feel all these negative feelings from us especially from me and hearing all the shouting every day.

He works 4 days a week and the days he has off I always dread it! He provokes me 24/7 (which he has told me he enjoys doing), he touches me (mainly my bum) when I tell him to stop, he curses at my cat/throws slippers at her when she's in heat and meows too much just to hurt me knowing how much I love animals and makes me feel guilty for getting angry at him, keeps asking me to have sex with him and again makes me feel guilty when I keep saying no and threatens to take my son away from me. After his done annoying me he comes into the room I’m in and tells me he loves me and acts all nice just to go crazy on me again when I tell him to leave me alone.

I'm not sure if any of you heard of a podcaster named Andrew Tate but since he started watching him every day and agrees with everything he says things have gotten worse. He would show me his videos and would argue with me if I don't agree with him as if I can’t have my own opinions.. I feel harassed in my own home and me going against him by saying no and pushing him away just makes him curse at me even more and now I’m starting to think he wants to have power over me and I’m scared that I will give in.

I’m physically and emotionally drained and I know I should leave but I’m finding it really hard. I feel as if because I’ve been through years of abuse already that I can handle it again but he is breaking me down and making me feel like the old me with no confidence to leave. I don’t even feel like leaving the house anymore and when I do go out my anxiety gets really bad.. I have ended up in hospital twice for attempted suicide which was a while back and I keep worrying that he'll use this and my traumas against me to say I'm not a fit mother and that would kill me. I just have a lot of worries about leaving right now..

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 19/08/2022 06:55

Do you have any supportive friends you can stay with? You can call womens aid when he’s not there to ask for support to leave as well; you absolutely need to get away from him

BlueSuffragette · 19/08/2022 07:01

So sorry OP. He sounds vile. Please speak to your health visitor, GP or womens aid for support to get away from him. This relationship is toxic. He is a bully who enjoys abusing you. Get support to get out.
Do you have any family you could get help from and stay with in the short term?

ByeByeMissAmericanPie · 19/08/2022 07:18

This is not a normal relationship, and you need to get out.
I agree with the others that you need to turn to Womens Aid, your GP or HV or family and explain what’s going on. You WILL get help.

He sounds awful.

And before you enter any other relationship, please please do the Freedom Programme which lists all the kinds of red flags you might encounter going forward.

Igmum · 19/08/2022 08:20

Agree, Women's Aid will help. Please please leave him, for your sake and for your baby's. Well done for coming on here. Sending love ❤️

HebeMumsnet · 19/08/2022 12:55

Afternoon, OP.

We're sorry to hear you're being treated in this way Flowers.

You've had lots of good advice above about where you can turn for help, but there are a few more numbers on our domestic abuse web guide (physical violence doesn't have to be a factor, by the way, most of them cover all forms of abuse) www.mumsnet.com/i/domestic-violence-webguide.

There's also our relationships web guide which might also have some contact details that may be useful for you www.mumsnet.com/i/relationships-webguide.

We hope you manage to get the help and support you need.

MNHQ

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