Inevitable end approaching..

[Brokendownsunshine]

Together 8 years. 2 DC together. 1 from before him.

I am utterly broken and have no one to talk to.

Hes said its over so many times. Then the next day he's carrying on like nothing happened.

Says he still loves me.
Then says he's leaving me later.

There's so much more to unpack but I'm struggling to even write this, which is ironic seeing as I came here for some company/ support/ to feel less alone
.

I don't know.

It's not clear from your post if he has gone as far to say he's leaving you, or left it at saying it's over. Do you feel that tomorrow he will again act like nothing has happened, or does it feel more final this time?
What your home setup is like could be relevant to his behaviour. His multiple threats sound like a power play if they keep happening without action. More like a threat to keep you in line if he feels that you have more to lose than him. Does he hold more power financially?
He likely is banking on you believing you can't do better without him, but that is rarely true. You might be getting to the point of agreeing with him, maybe it's time you said "OK, go then". Take back the power, because nobody should have to live in constant fear. I hope you find the strength, as saying what he does is not on. Claiming he still loves you is a ploy to stifle your power.

And when you tell him to go, tell him he won’t be allowed back unless (whatever it is he needs to change)

He’s being cruel by leaving you in this limbo- if its over he needs to leave, he needs to pack his bags and go. If he wants to work on the marriage then stay and talk things through and try and work on the issues. What are the issues do you think? Why is he saying this?

Take back your power woman! He either behaves like a grown up or he leaves, staying and repeating this manipulative behaviour is no longer an option available to him.

You know this because it would be the advice you would give to a gf who was being manipulated by a partner.