Really struggling with partner's tone.

[Smithy92]

I struggle to deal with my partner's tone, were in a 5 year relationship and the Crux of 50% of our arguments stem from me becoming offended / getting my back up because of my partner's tone. For example when I explain some plans, an opinion, an event that's happening, or anything that may contradict with my partner's opinions, rather than discuss it, she instantly “shows emotion" and her tone becomes rude, sharp, offensive, and angry (which makes me feel disrespected, frustrated and upset).
I have tried to have a conversation with her about how her tone makes me feel and why it makes me feel that way, also explaining how it benefits us both by being able to have a relaxed, not sharp or short, conversation before she gets frustrated at a situation / response. Unfortunately this leads to more anger, and stonewalling making the situation worse.
My question is, firstly am I overplaying this problem, and secondly how can I go about this more sensitively to try and enact some understanding as to how it makes me feel as I feel fully invalidated feelings wise.

I’d end it if I were you. Life’s too short.

Might be worth trying relationship counselling to discuss your communication problems.

Do you have problems communicating with friends, colleagues or family? If your other relationships are fine when you have different views etc, but your partner shows anger or stonewalls then yes I’d assume you are in an abusive relationship. I’d walk, swiftly, if she cannot discuss a different view/opinion/plan rationally and calmly

I have exactly the same problem. I've been dealing with it for 23 years of marriage. No amount of calm explanation of how much it upsets me has ever made a difference. I've tried to learn to live with it, and never have. Kids meant I've put up with it. Blazing rows as a result.

What doesn't help is, I'm someone who take things very personally, and probably you do too.

She should have been with someone for who her tone is water off a duck's back, I should have been with someone who is much calmer. It's been difficult for both of us.

Don't expect it to change. Decide if you can live with it for the next twenty years.

@goody2shooz no issue my side. I'm the quiet one of the group so am used to listening, being the brunt of jokes etc, so my tolerance levels are insanely high but this is the one thing that gets to me.
@ZaphodDent thanks for the honest response it's much appreciated. Definitely food for thought.

To throw a curve ball in the mix, we've long joked (semi seriously) about her having ADHD for a long list of reasons. It also seems adults with ADHD can have frustration / temper / interpersonal issues when they have sensory overload. Perhaps one to take further this time.