I really need help please

[BunnyLily]

Hi - so I’ve had a rocky relationship for a number of years - basically when I moved in 10yrs ago I found a porn mag with ladies numbers on to call for sex. I just ignored it and thought he had it from before we met so we carried on. Had a daughter - then pregnant again and I find a note to a prostitute asking to meet. He denies. We got past that. - 2nd daughter now 6 I’ve not looked at his phone for 6yrs but we going through bad patch - I find another one to prostitute asking to meet up but she didn’t reply only briefly he was trying to figure where she was but she didn’t answer. He’s admitted he would have had sex if they had met. Went to counselling- he said he was intending to but hasn’t ever… said was just the idea. We worked through the relationship- said I only found it as we were having problems so I had the hunch but not done it before. Counselling finishes we get back on track… thing is he gets angry so quickly with the kids. His shouting is crazily loud. We live in a nice house, he’s in debt and me a bit. House is mortgage and his name on mortgage- he loves the girls and is good with them at times. The school just a walk away. We don’t see that much of each other - I love my life, friends kids ect. I’m happy. Him seeing the prostitute doesn’t affect me strangely.
anyway we came on holiday with my elderly parents. He starts shouting at the kids as they do play up big time - they are 6 and 9, he storms out packs his case and goes home shouting n swearing. My Dad not happy at all. Really shakes him up. I said to my husband don’t go my Dad having funny turn - he said call 999 and drove off! My Dad has paid for the holiday!
He called later and totally apologised to us all / I’ve said I want to break up he said he’s not ready. The girls love him and keep writing him notes saying they miss him it’s breaking my heart.
I just don’t know what to do when we return home! I just want to be normal happy family with no issues. I can’t really afford to move out and there is no way he will as nowhere to go and he can’t afford it either.
any advice please? Oh and we do get on … we only seem to argue around the kids issues as he’s really strict but I’m more laid back xx

You want to be a normal happy family, but you're trying to shove a square peg into a round hole trying to achieve it with this man.
He is not a man who can create and sustain a happy family and you've been papering over the cracks to maintain the illusion for years.
You don't need him to be a happy family. You, your DC and your parents can be that without him. And you will set yourself free to maybe, in time find a decent man who doesn't use prostitutes, shout at your children and treat your father so shabbily. You could hardly do worse than him OP and your life could be so much better.

“Him seeing the prostitute doesn’t affect me strangely.”

I think you’ve become desensitised, your husband seeing a prostitution is about as far from acceptable as you can get.
His shouting at his children is also not acceptable—- I know everyone shouts sometimes but a sensible adult saves it for when it’s really needed ( kid running into road, trying to open a hot oven etc..)
You need to put your children first and they need a stable, calm home, not a daddy who wants to visit prostitutes and shouts.

He sounds deeply unpleasant, sorry. I hope he apologised to your parent’s faces for being a dick?

I wouldn’t have a man who used prostitutes around my girls, that’s for sure. And yes,
he does use them, regardless of whether it bothers you or not.
Apart from that, his behaviour towards your dc sounds incredibly aggressive. Why are you subjecting them to this disgusting man?

He’s toxic!

I think you've poured enough of your time and energy into polishing this particular turd.

He thinks women are property - no man with an ounce of integrity would even consider paying for sex. He has no respect for you and doesn't value your relationship, as evidenced by the number of times he's put your marriage (and your health) at risk. He bullies your children and doesn't give a shit about your parents.

It's time to cut your losses and get rid.

Thanks all x if I was to move out… what do you suggest is the first move? I will need benefits to help but can I do that straight away or do I need to find somewhere to live first? X

Could you stay with family or a friend? Would your parents help you? You might have to take a drop in living standards at least temporarily, but you can take advice on any benefit entitlement from Citizens Advice and legal advice on your rights to stay in the family home.

I'd recommend Citizens Advice. They can tell you what you'd be entitled to, signpost you to accommodation options and may even be able to get you a free initial appointment with a family solicitor.

Thanks x I’ll get in contact with them.
his name is on the mortgage and house as it was his house when we moved in. We can stay in the house no problem but it will mean living with him unfortunately.

We are back home tomorrow after our hols. Apart from the girls saying they miss him occasionally we’ve had a good time.
im scared of what to expect when we go home. Know he gonna be full of apologies.
Have arranged a day together on Sunday without the kids so we can talk.
thing is if I move out how can I get him to sell the house? It’s in his name and our only marital asset. I’m worried if I move out he will just stay there and not make a move to sell.

You need to speak to a solicitor about this. They’ll be able to advise you