relationships suck

[mybluemerc]

Been with OH for 5 years, living together 2. In those 2 years he lost his driving licence, was diagnosed with cancer, had an injury and got sepsis and had a small stroke. Despite it all we are, or I thought we were, solid. Then the thing happened, the ping that made suspicion develop and I had to look! The texts have upset me more than they should I think. I now know he was seeing someone else and actively pursuing her for the first 2 years of our relationship.
Im gutted. Those 2 years were the best I've ever had with anyone and now I think they were false. He also tried to make contact with her when he was in recovery 18 months ago but she blocked him.
I feel like he settled with me now.
He obvs has no idea I know and I can't tell any family or friends because they think we are amazingly loved up after all we have been through together.
I feel like I'm living a lie now, every smile is fake.
How do I deal with this? :((

He obvs has no idea I know and I can't tell any family or friends because they think we are amazingly loved up

Why can't you tell them they're wrong, and he's actually a liar who's been cheating on you?

what a horrible discovery! Men are so duplicitous! What are you going to do?

Well if he doesn’t know you know, you have a little time to plan. Time to get organised and get the hell away from this lying, cheating rat. I’m so sorry op, it must really hurt that he has done this after everything you have been through together.

I’d be telling him straight to get the fuck out.
letting you do the drudgery of coping.
It is all a lie.
You are worth more

He has shown you who he is. Line your ducks up and leave when it suits you.

even with a serious illness …they still cheat

(((HUG)))

What a horrible man! It's a shit thing to do anyway, but to do that to you when you've been there for him & supported him through so much is doubly shit & imo unforgivable.

You deal with it by getting everything in place & moving out or telling him to (depending on the housing situation). You tell family & friends he had you fooled to, you thought you were all lived up, but while you were supporting him, he was chasing tail. Don't hide his hidious behaviour for him! It doesn't reflect on you! As a woman I think that's the hardest thing to accept. It makes us (generalising!!) feel shit about ourselves, but you only have to look at actresses/models that are cheated on to realise it's not about not being good enough!

Don't stay with him because you've been with him for a few years & through so much. Look forwards, not backwards...you can be with someone who thinks the world of you! (Or you can stay with this russet who makes you feel (currently) settled for & wonder if he's actually trying to cheat again, or not).

you ARE strong enough to tell him to jog on & build a lovely life for yourself!!

How painful, OP. I know what hard work it is to look after someone you love who is ill. And while you doing all that for him, he tried to contact an ex-girlfriend.

How serious was the attempt? He had the affair in the first two years of your relationship, before he fell ill. Though he was cheating back then, it sounds as if it ended three years ago (apart from the one attempt to contact her later).

Do you think he has changed and now values you as you should be valued? Do you want to leave him (as you have every right to)? Or is it worth talking things through and seeing whether you want to salvage the relationship?

He may feel very differently now. Not 'settling' for you because there's nothing better in view, but realising how much you mean to him. Illness is a shock that often changes people and makes them see what's important in their life.

Whatever path you choose, I think you need to let him know you now know what he did. Even if, in the end, it's only to make to clear that's why you are leaving.