Splitting Costs

[AnuSTart]

Hi All!
I am going to get married to my partner of 4 years in coming months. We don't share finances and I don't want to, but I want to ensure that we split costs correctly and that we can both manage.

I earn: 4600
DP: 3800

I have 3 kids who live with us.
Rent incl tax is around 1300.
I transfer monthly 1500 so that it covers rent and ideally some bills.
We both spend as much as each other on food. Though I feel that I should spend more as the kids are mine.
He transfers the 1500 into savings for us, but it is In his name.
I also pay mortgage on another house in my name of 890 per month.

My thoughts are. We divide our joint salary into 5 and I pay the equivalent for 4/5 of our family.
Is there a magical equation/algorithm for working out finances fairly?? Thanks!

You will get a load of different answers, but if you don’t want to have joint finances then I would say the person who earns more pays more, but if you pay 890 on another mortgage this makes it a bit more tricky as income are about the same after that

So maybe a 60/40split with you paying the 60 as the extra house is an asset for you ? So he could save his “extra” bit.?

i suspect if you did the 4/5 thing you would be broke

Why are you getting married?

Are you protecting that house?

You need to be very careful to protect your children's home.

Are you planning on having more children?

If not, why get married?

The house and mortgage are in my name and would not be considered marital assets. I have a will naming the children as my equal inheritors and my brother is executor. I believe this is superior legally than being a spouse(?)

But you are marrying him and living together what makes you think they wouldn't be classed as matrimonial assets.???

Im presuming you are in uk

The being broke thing I do wonder about. I need to have savings but can't really the way things are.
He is 'saving for us' which is all very nice...
But frankly, it's the 21st century and I want to do it for myself too.

I would have thought that in the event of divorce the house would be considered a marital asset and he would have a claim on it.

Omg seriously?

I hope not.
I need to see a lawyer then.

I think 4/5 is excessive, there are a lot of ways to work this out. Taking into consideration salary and that the kids are yours then it does seem rational and fair to pay more but there are various ways to work that out.

The house will be marital asset. A short marriage - both parties would expect to return to how they were pre marriage. A longer marriage, he would have a claim. Prenuptial agreements are not always water tight in the uk. You need to see a lawyer.

If you live in the UK, any property you own becomes a marital asset.

Honestly, I don't see the point of you getting married.

As far as I know (not a lawyer) any house that is the family home becomes an equal marital asset. I think it would be a different matter if the property wasn't the family home, like a rental property.

The only reason I know a bit about this is because my DH and I went through a bad period and I considered divorcing him. I bought the house, but was told he had an equal claim on it. I'm not sure there was any watertight way to prevent a house becoming a joint asset (apart from not getting married) so I would really speak to a lawyer.

Apologies if I'm way off the mark! But you need legal advice.

Of course the house will be a marital asset, ‘with all my worldly goods I thee endow’ is what you say to each other, which means we now both own everything

I also wonder why you would marry, marriage is a business transaction not a romantic notion.

you need some serious legal advice, and will need to spend an awful lot to protect your house.

but you need to to contribute in a more equal way, your kids don’t count as a whole person each, and I wonder if a contribution based on percentage of earnings is best

Afraid I agree, no way would I remarry unless I was 100% sure that my house would go to my kids and not new partner, unless there was an absolutely, 100% guaranteed way to do it legally- and if I could afford to go through the legal process to make it happen.

Saving for us is the biggest load of bullshit when it is sitting in his account.

Have you any idea of the number of women who thought whilst they were paying the dirty day to day bills their partner was saving for "them".

Only to find that "them" turned to a resounding "him" when the relationship went south.

He could save £90,000 in HIS account in 5 years whilst you are covering everything.

I mean it kindly but you are being spectacularly financially naive.

Start protecting yourself before it bites you in the arse.

You need to check the ownership, if the house is not the martial home and only owned by you, then possibly not , get legal advice

You've all been incredibly helpful.
Thank you.

In short I need to check with a lawyer.
I thought as we've never lived together in said house that it would be outwith the parameters of 'marital assets'. Maybe not.

Also I really take on Board the savings issue. I think this is what makes me question things most.

I will also talk to him about savings and maybe rethink EVERYTHING!!

Nothing either of you own is out with marital assets, everything is pooled if you need to divorce and then divided up. Possible exception being personal clothes and jewellery.
and any potential inheritances become a marital asset. I know at least one abusive man who was dragging the divorce out to punish his wife, suddenly moved heaven and earth to complete the divorce, just days before his very wealthy mother died from a short illness

Also unless you specifically stated in your will that it was made in contemplation of your marriage to him, it will be nullified by the marriage. The presumption will then be that he is your next of kin and your estate will be disposed of according to intestacy rules if you don't make a new will.

I know someone who got DVT on flight back from honeymoon and died, so don't think that it's something you can put off for later!

In England, the starting point would be that the marital home is a 50/50 shared asset irrespective of who paid for it, but as I said that's a starting point not necessarily the final settlement. It should certainly be possible to keep your other property out of the marital assets but you need this completely tying up legally before getting wed. Maybe put it in trust for your children before the marriage?

savings For both of you only in his name, never. Breakup it’s only in his name and you may have no recourse to what could otherwise be your fair share.

id go along the lines of, as a starting point, take out money for other mortgage. Agree an amount that you can both put equally into the communal fund equally, anything else remaining is individual pin money. Work out the variable costs linked to expenditure associated which children, not including mortgaged property that you live in (assumes not renting) as you both have the residual financial benefit of that equally if something goes wrong. So would not pay more of the mortgage as he would be entitled to 50% value ordinarily if it’s a joint asset. Work out the variable costs on consumable costs as you’ve got kids and then make a further contribution in recognition of this into the communal pot to act as rainy day money, or in recognition of this come up with some other mechanism eg you have the family private medical if both your employers offer it recognising he benefits but the lion share of the costs is linked to you and the kids. Or you pay for family holidays to offset that he is contributing to higher cost throughout the year, as most of the costs will relate to you and your kids, but he doesn’t have to factor these into his spend recognising his costs are already higher etc. the latter is only if your not putting in a higher amount each month to already cover the higher costs to the household.

@AnuSTart please do your research, you have your future and the security of your children's futures to protect.

Don't rely on the legal system to be fair and reasonable.

If you get married ALL assets are considered marital (unless you can argue successfully to the judge and they put them aside - but see above).
It's also very costly and time consuming (especially with the backlog) to go to court.

If you allow him to be in control of your liquid assets eg savings he can transfer them/spend them/erase them and the court will consider them gone.

However, he can put a block on you selling/keeping your houses by registering his interest in them.

So actually you are very much in the vulnerable position here financially, I personally wouldn't marry if I were you, unless you are really set on it even after legal advice for your own personal reasons.

Don't believe any solicitor who tells you these things are unlikely to happen. It happened to me and it happens to others. People get very nasty during divorce.

Lots of reasons for no one to ever get married

The savings should be in both your names. I don't like the sound of that at all.
Get legal advice on the house you own.
Don't bother getting married. What is the point?

Thanks all. I have had a talk with him last night and we are going to work out something equitable in terms of what we both pay.
I also said I would see a lawyer before getting married to do any other paperwork to protect assets/ me/ kids.
Importantly I talked about the savings, I expected this to sound bad to him and like I don't trust him, but he agreed that absolutely we should be able to save in both our names or not at all. We will have separate accounts and work out a way to save the same.
Phew!
I wouldn't have had that chat if I'd not broached it on here first as it was all so nebulous in my head, just a bit of unease.

Thanks!